calm down // josh dun

s i x t e e n

--Josh's P.O.V--

"Mom, I swear I didn't write that article about Declan. You are my mother. I would never lie to you about something like this."

My mother released a sigh from her lungs as she finished loading the dishwasher. She closed it and straightened back up, turning around to face me. "Josh, honey, I believe you. You are my son and you would never be that horrible to someone, especially Declan."

She came over to sit by me. "I know you don't talk to me much about your personal life, but I know that you love that kid. I don't know how much you love Declan Gray, but I know that you would never in a thousand years hurt him like that."

I sighed, leaning my head against the cold edge of the countertop. "Mom, I know who changed my article, but I don't have any way that I can prove it."

She laced her fingers through mine. "Whoever did it, Josh, will eventually get punishment. The truth will come out no matter what."

I nodded. "I just don't want Declan to hate me forever."

"Maybe you should go talk to him. Just try to explain your side of the story to him. He needs to hear you out."

I climbed off of the bar stool, my hands shaking. "I'll go to his house now because I know if I don't, I'll lose the courage to do so."

My mother smiled. "If Declan really loves you, Josh, he'll understand that you are telling the truth."

I hoped so.

•••

Five minutes later, I was standing outside the Gray residence, trying not to pass out from anxiety.

"Um, hello, Ms. Gray, is Declan home?" My anxiety was on high alert as I stood the Gray's doorstep. My palms were sweating and I couldn't stop my hands from shaking.

"Declan is in his room," she responded. "It's best that whatever you want to say to him, to make it fast."

I stepped passed the older woman and as she shut the door behind me I turned to face her. "Uh, Ms. Gray, I don't really know how you feel about me at the moment, but I really care for Declan and I hope you understand that."

Shockingly, Ms. Gray gave me a smile. "Josh, honey, I adore you and you truly are the first friend Declan has had. I do not believe that you wrote that article; however, my son believes that you did. It is now your job to convince him that he is wrong."

I was relieved that Declan's mother was on my side because now the only person who needed to believe me was sitting in his room in dead silence.

I leaned against his doorframe, my arms crossed. "Declan, can I talk to you?"

The boy just stared at the blank wall that was in front of him. He was listening to my voice though. His body language gave it away.

I moved across his room to sit beside him on the edge of his bed. "I must know what you're thinking about me. You think I betrayed you. You think that our whole friendship was lie and know you feel absolutely stupid for ever trusting me in the first place."

Declan stayed silent, but his hands clenched tighter onto his pants. He bowed his head, waiting for me to continue.

"I didn't betray you. I didn't tell one person about your secret. My original article was about the stress school puts on one person. I was proud of that article and someone broke into the newspaper office and changed it. Declan, you know deep down inside yourself that you don't actually believe that I would hurt you intentionally. You know I didn't do this. Believing that I did it is just easier than trusting your gut and accepting the fact that Parker was the one who actually did it."

Declan bowed his head. "Parker did not write that article. He wouldn't do that to me."

"And what makes you think that Parker wouldn't do that to you? He treats you like absolute shit, Declan. He shoves you around all the time, yells at you for no reason at practice. He even cornered you in the locker room and threatened to kick you off the team. That whole article was centered around getting you kicked of the hockey team."

Declan stood up, his fists still clutched at his sides. "You don't know anything about Parker. You don't know who he truly is or why he acts the way he does. He's a good person. You just can't see it."

I stood up as well, my anger manifesting. "Declan, he's brainwashing you. He isn't a good person. He's a bully. He's made you cry so many times and he's absolutely not accepting to fact that you are transgender! How can you stand there and defend him like that?"

The younger boy was shaking from anger and for as long as I knew him, he always did unpredictable things when he was livid. This time was no different.

He grabbed my face in an instant and pressed his lips against mine. It wasn't a tender kiss or a sweet kiss. It was hard and cold.

I broke away from him. "You're trying to change the subject. You don't want to talk about Parker. You don't want to talk about the fact that you are in denial."

Declan shook his head, running his hands through his hair. "Get out, Josh, please. Get out of my house and I don't want to discuss this with you right now."

The look in the boy's eyes made him look crazy and I understood why. His mental health wasn't in good shape at the moment and I didn't want to make it worse by arguing with him.

I sighed. "Okay, fine. I'll leave, but please just someday understand that I care about you. I never wanted to hurt you and I will always be here for you when you need me."

"Get out," he repeated, returning to his spot on his bed.

I did as he asked. I shut his bedroom door behind me and appeared back in the living room where Ms. Gray sat on the couch.

"Josh, how did it go?" She asked, turning around. Judging by my face, she already knew.

"Not very well," I admitted. "He didn't really listen to what I had to say."

She sighed. "He'll come around soon enough, Josh. Just give him time to cope with what is going on at school. He'll start to think more clearly once everything settles down, I promise."

I nodded, making my way towards the door. "Trust me, this isn't the last time, I'm going to talk to him."

A/N: josh and Declan's relationship is just an utter mess filled with sexual tension.

-oliver