calm down // josh dun

e i g h t e e n

BREAKING NEWS: Just in, we just received reports about a tragedy that occurred early the morning. A sixteen year old boy named Declan James Gray was found dead in his home around one in the morning by his mother.

Declan Gray attended Oakville High School and was an all-star hockey player. His death is currently under investigation. No foul play is suspected. Funeral arrangements will be announced when the details become available.

I automatically sat straight up in my bed, my breathing heavy from the nightmare I just ripped myself away from. My hair was plastered to my face with sweat and my bare chest was covered in sweat as well.

My clock read 7:15 which gave me forty-five minutes to get ready, eat breakfast, and walk to school. I threw back the comforter before climbing out of bed and heading towards the kitchen where my mother was cooking breakfast.

She was humming quietly as I took a seat at the island. "Good morning."

"Good morning, sweetheart," she replied, turning around and putting eggs on my plate. Her face looked tired, but overall, she seemed to be in okay mood. I wondered if my dad had called and that's why she was slightly upset.

"You better hurry up and finish that," she told me. "You should get to school a little early today, alright?"

I nodded. I planned to leave a little bit earlier today anyway where I could talk to Declan.

I finished eating in about two minutes and was dressed in about five; my teeth and hair brushed. I grabbed my backpack off of the living room floor and slung it over my shoulders.

"I'm leaving, Mom! Love you!" I yelled into the kitchen.

"Love you too honey!"

Her voice sounded sad.

•••

I walked to school by myself today because Jenna was running late for reasons unknown to me. I actually felt kind of good today. I was happy and what happened yesterday with Declan gave me hope that everything was going to be fine between us even if it was going to take awhile.

I just hoped that Parker ended up getting the punishment he deserved instead of me.

When I approached the school, I was surprised to see Mr. Porter pacing up and down the steps. It looked like something was bothering him. Multiple kids were sitting all around the courtyard, talking amongst themselves with grim looks on their faces.

The moment he saw that I was finally at school he came jogging down the steps towards me. "Josh, I need you to come to my office with me right now. It's important."

His tone sounded strained and stressed and I wondered if the school board decided to punish me and he was the one that had to reliever the bad news.

I bounded up the steps after the principal, my backpack hitting my lower back with every step I took.

"What is going on?" I asked Mr. Porter as I quickly followed him towards his office. "Why do you need me to come to your office for? Why is everyone acting so strange today?"

The principal of Oakville High School let out a heavy sigh as he pushed open his office door. The scene that greeted me was something I would remember for the rest of my life.

Ms. Gray was sitting in one of the chairs in front of Mr. Porter's desk. I couldn't see her face from where I was standing, but something wasn't right. That's when I noticed Parker Axton standing in the corner, looking out the window. Tears were streaming down his face.

"What is going on?" I questioned once again. "Everyone is acting weird. What happened?"

Mr. Porter looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "Josh, there is no way I can tell you this gently. I can't lessen the blow of this news and once you hear it, you are welcome to go home if you wish."

My tone was more firm when I spoke again. "What is going on?"

"Declan Gray is dead."

My world stopped turning.

"He committed suicide early the morning."

It wasn't possible. It couldn't be possible. Declan was fine. He was okay. He had to be.

But there was no denying it. The news broadcast, which I thought was a nightmare, turned out to be real. I heard it in my sleep. My mother knew about his death and she didn't even bother to tell me.

At the sound of Mr. Porter's words, Parker rested his forehead against the glass of the window and I watched as his face twisted up in sorrow, a sob  escaping his lungs.

Ms. Gray sniffled before turning towards me. Her face was red and swollen. "I found him the morning, Josh. He hung himself. I tried to revive him. I tried and I tried. He was just too far gone."

I stormed out of Mr. Porter's office in an instant, refusing to hear anymore. Somebody was following after me, but I didn't even bother to turn around to see who it was. I didn't care.

It was like everything was happening in slow motion as I moved down the hallway that felt empty to me due to the lack of Declan Gray's presence. I think I was crying, but I have even been screaming. It was just all a blur. 

Students in the hallway were looking at me with sympathy on their faces. Some girls were even crying.

I didn't want sympathy of any kind, especially from people who didn't even know Declan personally. Suicide affects everyone differently, but I still couldn't understand why people who didn't even know him were devastated. I couldn't understand why Parker Axton was devastated.

Parker Axton did everything in his power to hurt Declan. His goal was always to upset the younger boy. He, now, was grieving over the death of his all-star hockey player. It didn't make sense.

When I made it down the steps of the school, I suddenly collapsed into the arms of Jenna Black. I was sobbing, my body shaking violently.

"I'm so sorry, Josh. I'm so sorry," she cried as we both fell to the ground.

I held onto her tightly, burying my face into her shoulder. People were lightly touching my back in support.

"I don't know what to say, Josh," Ezgi said quietly.

"I'm sorry," Ambrosia whispered.

Carter stayed silent, but I knew, without looking up, that she was standing there beside me as well.

"It'll be okay, man," Tyler mumbled. "Eventually, it'll be okay."

That's when another person joined Jenna and I's hug of sadness. I wasn't surprised to see that it was Hayley Williams. She was crying as hard as I was.

Declan wasn't attracted to girls. He never was and Hayley knew that. The relationship he and the blue haired girl had was not real. It was only to hide his transgender secret better; however, Hayley had fallen in love with Declan Gray over the past two years. The boy never returned her feelings, but that didn't make the feelings go away.

And now Hayley had just lost the love of her life.

I think I did too.

A/N: declan gray is one of my most favorite characters I have ever created.

-oliver