For four days now Tate has been busy working with his people to figure out who came after us. We haven't much of each other besides when I will come into his room in the middle of the night when my nightmares become too much and I can't stand to be alone. Right now I am coming back from the kitchen after spending a few hours with her.
Instead of heading to my bedroom, where I usually spend all my time, I walk to Tate's office that he showed me a few days ago. I am about to knock when I hear his voice start shouting at someone. "I don't give a fuck if my request is unreasonable, I am in charge and you will get it down or I will come down there and you will not like what happens." He yells before I hear something bang and I make a weird yelp noise at how much it surprises me.
He goes silent before the office door is opened and he looks down at me with a look of guilt. "I am sorry if I scared you." He says softly to me while looking down at my hands then back to my face. "It's fine, I am just jumpy." I tell him while placing my hand in his. He always lets me make the first move involving anything touching, or he will make sure I am okay if he does.
I never imagined in my life I would meet a man as understanding and sweet as him. He has never made me feel threatened, besides when I didn't know home, and even then he tried his best not to scare me. "I came by just to ask if I could borrow a car, I have an appointment out of town I need to get to." I tell him. I have been putting off going to the therapist for a while now and I have been needing my pills so I finally broke and rescheduled my appointment for late afternoon today.
"Could I take you instead? I don't feel right letting you leave on your own right now." He asks me. I nod my head and he smiles before grabbing his car keys and jacket that are in his office. "Okay lets go." He says motioning me to start walking in front of him. Instead I grab his hand in mine again and we walk beside each other till we reach the car.
We make it their quicker than I did my first time, most likely because Tate actually knows where he is going. I quickly get out and get myself signed in before taking a seat next to Tate and start shaking and bouncing my leg constantly. "Hey, Haven it will be okay. You don't even have to talk, you could just sit in there for an hour and a half staring at the ceiling. Just take it one appointment at a time." Tate tells me making me calm down.
I nod my head and hold his hand tightly until a lady comes out holding a clip board. "Haven Simpson?" She asks and slowly I stand up leaving Tate to sit here. She leads me down the familiar hallway to my therapist's room. 'Hello Haven, I am happy to see you here." Dr. Radcliff says as I walk in and take a seat on the couch. "Hi." I mutter. "Since last time you were here you didn't speak much I wanted to let you start the conversation this time. So is there something you would like to tell me?" She asks.
For a few moments I sit silently just touching the tattoo on my wrist like I always do when I am nervous or scared. "I want to get better." I finally say. "Why do you finally want to get better? At your last therapist she told me you would talk but never really talked about anything that helped you. Is it because of that man in the waiting room?" She asks me.
"Yes and no. I want to get better for him but more for myself, I don't deserve to live a life in fear and sadness. I can't live like this anymore, I have locked myself away from the world for so long and I think I am finally ready to start taking the steps to have a good life." I tell her finally letting my thoughts be spoken.
"Why have you locked yourself away from the world for so long?" She asks. "I want to talk about it but I don't think I am ready to speak of that yet in our sessions." I tell her honestly. I have never spoken to a soul about what happened to me while I lived in that house with him and it will be taking more than a few minutes with a therapist to be ready to even mention him.
"Okay, let's talk about something else. How about that man who is outside waiting for you." I feel a smile come on my face at the mention of Tate. "His name is Tate and he is the most kind and understanding person I have ever met." I say leaving the thoughts of my step father in the back off my mind now.
"How is he kind and understanding?" she questions. "Well I have never been able to touch any males and barely females for most of my life. Tate quickly realized that and would never try and force me to even give him a handshake, he would keep his distance physically but whenever I had my nightmares he would be there for me helping me calm down and never prying into what they are about. He knows I am not ready to tell him about my past and what makes me how I am and he is okay with that. Recently I have been able to hug him and hold his hand without even getting nervous and when we do touch he either lets me initiate it or asks permission before trying to. He is just the most wonderful person I have ever met. He makes me so happy and I haven't felt like that in so long." I say and look up to see her smiling while writing something down on her paper.
"That is wonderful Haven, I am glad that you have him as a support system. He sounds like he is just what you need in your life. I would like to suggest that you try to talk to him about anything in your past that you feel comfortable with maybe a favorite memory or a hobby you enjoyed. It will help you with opening up to him and show him that you are willing to let him in just on your own time." She suggests and I nod my head in agreement.
We talk for a while after that about some of my favorite hobbies and about my dad. Once our session ends she walks me to the waiting room where Tate is sitting reading a teen girl magazine looking confused. "What are memes?" He asks me when he sees me walk over to him. I start giggling at him. "I will tell you later. Let's just go home right now." I say taking his hand in mine and smiling to myself at how amazing my life has become in a few short months.
