Going On

Theo

"'Why is it,' he said, one time, at the subway entrance, 'I feel I've known you so many years?'

'Because I like you,' she said, 'and I don't want anything from you.'"

-Ray Bradbury, Farenheit 451

I sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the wall.

My mother had made a big deal about it being "Eggshell White," but it looked exactly the same as any other white to me.

Hell, when you're as messed up as I am, any color looks like any other color. Red could be green for all I care. I couldn't give a fuck.

I imagined myself flying through the empty space, feeling weightless, not knowing whether or not I was touching the ground. I must've looked like an idiot, sitting on the edge of my bed swaying with my arms stretched out like a bird.

"This must be what death is like," I thought.

I liked the idea, that death was staunch nothingness that stretched on forever. My thoughts, and only my thoughts, forever. I'd never run into another person.

Or maybe I would, and we would slowly drift past each other, both clinging to the hope of possibly hitting each other, even though we'd never admit it.

I never admit to wanting another person around. 

My phone buzzed, and I looked down.

It was from a number I didn't recognize.

Hey, it's Noelle! Sorry, I got the number from my mom. I had a question to ask about when the next meeting is?

I smiled softly. 

It's on the 19th. 

I stared at my wall again, this time imagining Noelle flying towards me.

My phone buzzed again.

Can I call you? Sorry, it's just... stuff's been going on. :(

I called her, and she picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, what's going on?"

She broke out crying. 

I tried to calm her down over the phone, shushing her quietly and telling her it was alright.

"My family doesn't even pay attention to me, and I don't have any friends except you and this other girl, and I don't even think she likes me that much, and I-"

"Hey, hey. It's okay."

"No it's not! I should just kill myself, I should just jump in front of a car right now-"

"Noelle. Where are you?"

"I'm walking torwards the park. Why?"

"What street are you on?"

She told me and I held the phone to my ear with one hand as I picked up my sneakers and slipped them on my feet. 

"Would you like me to come see you? So you're not alone?"

She was silent on the other end of the phone for a few seconds.

"Umm... Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that."