secrecy • cameron dallas

= THIRTY FIFTH =

= Brooke =

@camerondallas: I need you by my side

. . .

I jerk up from my sleeping position, breathing heavily. I looked around and upon seeing I was still in my apartment, specifically on my bed, made me feel a whole lot of relief. I peeked over to see my huge glass window, and when I saw sunlight peeking through, I realized one thing.

I was dreaming this whole time.

Niki and Bianca never visited me, Kaye never called and Zach never came, most especially. He was still back home in New York, minding his own business. "Gosh, that was so close." I mumble to myself while running a hand through my messy hair.

I was just about to lay back down on my bed when my phone - which was on top of my bed-side table - started ringing. I shortly groaned before reaching out to grab it. Without looking at the caller ID, I pressed the green button.

"Hello?" I greet, yawning through the process. "Did I wake you up?" The familiar laugh sent my heart beating real fast. I sat up straight, almost falling out of bed. "No, no. I was wide awake before you called." Lie.

"So, what made you call?" I ask, trying hard to be as casual as possible. "I just wanted to see if you're alright. You left me hanging last night; you never came back." He chuckles, making me mentally face-palm myself.

"Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I was in a hurry because I needed to attend something important, plus the fact that I was running late." If hysterically making my way back home and locking myself in is similar to that, then yeah, that's exactly what I did.

"So, you are okay? You weren't hurt or anything?" He asks, again, making me smile all of a sudden. When I realized what I was doing, I mentally slapped my mouth, not really pleased with the reaction I had.

"Yep, I'm all good. How about you, how you doin'?" I ask, laying back down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I probably looked like some teenage girl talking to the guy she likes which you see in movies, but who cares if I looked like that anyway?

"I'm in Milan right now, actually." He laughs, and I can actually picture him looking around, amazed with what he's seeing even if he has already been there before. "Dolce and Gabbana?" I ask, wanting assurance. "Mhmm." He hums, making me nod.

"You're still coming with the boys and I to Hawaii, right?" I mentally face-palmed myself once again. I actually forgot agreeing to that. "When is that, again?" I ask, hoping he couldn't tell I forgot.

"Next week." He shortly responds. "Please don't tell me you forgot." He says, fake whining on the other line. "I'm sorry! I had so much in my head." I defend, smiling to myself. "I have lots of time to prepare, you gotta chill."

"Okay, okay. Anyway, another reason why I called was to tell you that I already gave your friend, Niki, the spare key back." I was actually kind of saddened upon hearing that. I thought he was keeping it because you know, I liked it that way.

"But, don't worry, I still have a key to your apartment, though. I asked someone to duplicate the key, so that I can have my own key, yay!" He exclaims, making me shake my head on how such a child he was.

"I think, I should actually be worried, knowing you can enter my apartment anytime you want." I joke, chuckling. "I don't see any problem with that. I basically kind of own the place, too." He replies, making me playfully roll my eyes.

"Shush, you don't pay half the rent, and you're not my boyfriend." I say, laughing to myself, but was stopped upon hearing what he said next. "I could be." I was actually taken aback. I don't know how to respond to that and the hard part is, I don't know if he was serious or he was just playing with me.

"Yo, chill. I was joking, Bri." He said after a few seconds of silence, laughing. "Oh." I reply, faking a laugh just to join him. Of course, he was playing with me. That's just how he is.

"Of course, you are." I add, continuing the fake laugh I already started. "I have to go, though. I'll talk to you again, soon?" He asks, making me mentally heave a deep breath. "Yeah, of course. I'll see you in a few days." I reply, playing with the edge of my pillow.

"Bye, Cam." With that, I ended the call and closed my eyes. The sea of what ifs concerning Cameron started flooding my mind, and to be honest, I like it here in my imagination.

Gosh, I need to get over this boy, asap.

. . .

I've been inside my apartment the whole damn day, and in the middle of watching reaction videos on YouTube, I suddenly had the want to do something productive, and so, I closed my laptop and immediately changed into a running outfit.

Once I was all set, I grabbed my phone and house keys, and I was out of there. I just had a short run around the neighborhood, not really wanting to go any farther because that would be inconvinient for me, and I don't want that.

Doing a run by myself had got me thinking about what I have now, a lot. I'm living in 2 different worlds, with a lot of my friends, not really knowing about it. While running, I saw lots of carefree people, and I couldn't be more jealous of them.

Yeah, I'm living half the life lots of people want to have, and that is pretty dope, to be honest, but keeping a huge secret all this time isn't. I want to be open to everyone as much as I can and possibly be, but I'm still having second thoughts if that's what I really want.

Minutes into running, I suddenly felt tired. I don't know if it really was from the running or from all the thinking, or maybe both, and so, I decided to sit on the nearest bench I saw, and decided to think about things even more.

My mind drifted off to Zach. He's such a nice guy and I'm obviously being unfair to him right now, and I don't like the idea of that. I may have liked him before, but I'm pretty sure what I feel towards him right now is just the bestfriend type of thing and nothing more.

It could've been more, I can see that, but with all the complications regarding my life, it just couldn't. We tried again, I gave him a 2nd chance, but it's still not working out. Maybe, it will never work out?

Do I tell him my secret now, or do I just don't?

Both options can result to larger problems that I have to face sooner or later, so what do I choose? Seconds into deep thinking, I grabbed my phone and started dialing his number. I guess, I'm telling him now. It's the better option, right?

"Hey, Brooke. What's up?" His bubbly voice just made me feel even more worse than how I was already feeling. Gosh, this is the right thing to do, right? I sigh, before finally deciding to respond. Okay, here goes nothing.

"Zach, I have to tell you something..."

= = =

Oh daaamn it's happening !! I've been updating slowly lately, and I'm really not happy about it :(( I said I'll try updating often but everytime I try doing so, I always end up having writer's block or my teachers suddenly give me loads of school work. BUT !! Christmas break is coming soon, yay! That means more update yayayayay !! Anyway, stay tuned for more because it's getting better aye. :))

= caxdallas =