The Yogscast Guarantee

Chapter 10 Reflections and Gravy + Update

I couldn't sleep at all, I would toss and turn trying not to wake Smith and by half three I had had enough. I got up and went downstairs the house was quiet and the hum of the fridge was the only noise as I walked into the kitchen. I had no idea what I was going to do, I got myself a glass of water and went to go and sit in the living room.

The moonlight crept in through the large windows and glass doors in the living room hurdling over the sofa casting shadows on the floor. I walked over to the door looking out into the garden. My reflection came into focus and I stared back at myself, 'what am I doing?' I said under my breath steaming the window slightly. In just over a year so much has happened. Yet, the past seems to not want to stay the past and still I see it as my future, a future where there is nothing. I know that I have gone on about this a lot, possibly too much and you're bored of it. But it's something that has consumed me, something that I can't get away from. The past. It's called that for a reason. 'It's got to stop.' I said again. 'What has?' Smith said and his reflection appeared behind me. 'Nothing.' I said turning to face him, 'talk to me.' he said and I shook my head, 'i am fine let's go back to bed.' I tried to avoid this as much as possible. 'Nope, talk to me.' Smith said going and sitting on the sofa, 'it's late.' I pointed out, 'That's no excuse.' he tapped the space next to him. I gave in and sat next to him as rigid as anything. 'What's going on in that head of yours?' he asked, 'I have just been thinking too much.' I told him telling the truth. 'Did nothing I say help?' He asked sounding slightly defeated, 'no it did it's just...' I said and looked at him, 'I have a habit of when things get, well like this, I go into a... I don't know how to explain it.' I put my head in my hands. 'You get like Ross used to.' Smith said exhaling heavily. 'Like when he broke it off with his last girlfriend. A dark place. Right? That's how he explained it I think.' I nodded, 'You feel like there is no hope , no end to the pain that you're experiencing. You almost feel like you're not in your body anymore. You're just there and you feel completely disconnected and numb' Smith said, 'it sounds scary when you put it that way.' he mumbled, 'but that's how you feel?' He asked and I nodded. 'What can I do?' He asked, 'there has to be something, let me help you now.' He said and I looked at him, 'i don't know what we can do.' I told him and he shuffled, 'Ok listen, you keep saying that we can't do anything. I think that's because you won't let me help. You won't let anyone help you Abbey. You're not alone anymore. You don't have to deal with all of this on your own.' He said. I smiled at him, possibly one of the hardest smiles i have had to fake in a long time and wrapped my arms around him. 'I love you.' He whispered and i buried my head in his neck wanting nothing more than to just have this and nothing else.

'Morning.' Katie said walking into the living room and Smith and I were cuddled up on the sofa, 'What time is it?' I asked sitting up, Smith still asleep. 'Well almost ten I think.' She said, 'Shit.' I shook Smith awake, 'come on we are going to be late.' I said before rushing upstairs to get changed and ready.

Smith walked in and I had managed to get on my black jeans and bra,'How you feeling?' He asked rubbing his face obviously knackered. 'You know what? Better.' I said realising my shoulders felt lighter and more relaxed in general. 'Really?' Smith yawned, 'Yeah, no word of a lie I feel a lot better.' I was feeling better, not amazing but i felt more human this morning. A long way from happy but no longer detached. I walked over to the wardrobe to find a shirt, I opened the door and browsed the selection and I felt Smith's arms around my lower torso and his chin rested on my head. 'We are going to be late.' I said as my face formed a half smile. 'I know.' He said and I turned around to face him, 'Your sister will not be happy.' I told him holding his forearms , 'I am sure she can wait a little longer.' He said kissing me, 'yeah what does three minutes change.' I said cheekily.

We finally left for Smith's sister's house around eleven, I was looking forward to it, before I was worried that I would come across as moody but I was on a slight high compared to last night as we drove into the country. Turns out Smith's sister lives close to the old family house so it didn't take as long as I had expected. Smith was singing along to the radio as the stone walls whizzed by, he was singing that song, 7 Years old or something, he really only knew the first half but it was nice to listen to nevertheless.

'We are here.' He me nudged me awake as we pulled up on the drive of your average english cottage, stone built but a modern house twist. The garden was well kept, pink and blue flowers in the flower beds under the windows and the lawn was freshly mown. All of the window frames were white as was the door. Smith and I walked up to the door and Smith knocked using the black lion face knocker and the door opened. A fairly tall woman appeared at the door, she was wearing a brown cardigan with blue jeans and a teal shirt. Her hair was slightly more ginger than Smith's and it was pulled back in a ponytail. 'Good afternoon.' She greeted us before she and Smith hugged. 'Long time no see.' She said before they broke apart. 'And you must be Abbey.' She said and I nodded and she hugged me too. 'Well come in, come in. Dad and Luke are in the living room and Robbie is in the kitchen.' She said stepping aside to let us in. 'You're a little late ,as always, was the traffic bad?' She asked and I looked at Smith waiting for him to answer. 'Yeah a little.' Smith said, 'how's dad?' He asked her and she shrugged her shoulders, 'he's dad, go through.' She said closing the door.

I followed Smith through to a living room with two sofas and a coffee table in the middle on a purple rug that matched one of the four walls. 'Howdy.' Smith said as we walked in, Luke stood up and him and Smith hugged, 'good to see you.' They both said and then attention turned to Smith's dad who was sat in the corner of the room out of the way. He looked a little different from the last time I saw him. 'How you doing dad?' Smith asked walking over to him. Smith's dad looked at him before standing up slowly. 'Old.' Arnold said and we all chuckled as Smith and him hugged. 'What about you two?' Arnold changed the subject sitting back down, 'How are you and Abbey?' Smith and I sat on the same sofa as Luke. 'We are good.' He said and I smiled, 'you been keeping him out of trouble?' Arnold said, 'trying,' I said. 'Right then drinks, what do you all want? Dad more whisky?' Smith's sister, Chloe, asked. 'Oh go on then.' He said handing her his empty glass, Smith, Luke and I all opted for tea. 'I will come and help.' I said following her into the kitchen.

Their kitchen was modern, all sorts of gadgets and gizmos and there was a guy hovering over the stove stirring something in a saucepan. 'The gravy is almost done.' The guy said, 'Oh so you haven't burnt everything then.' Chloe joked, 'Abbey this is Robbie. He's my sew chef and other half.' He smiled at me and I gave a little awkward wave. 'You have a lovely home.' I complimented not wanting to just stand there, 'Thanks Abbey I bet it's a little different from your's in Bristol.' Chloe said and I nodded, 'yeah, we live with four other people so this is a little cozier than that.' I told her, 'Each to their own. So what's been going on with you guys then, Alex never talks about anything really.' She asked waiting for the kettle to boil. Normally i wouldn't feel so comfortable in these situations, new people and all. But i felt like i knew these people. They felt familiar. 'It's been busy at work, not much else really. Alex brought a gecko the other week.' I told her, 'He has wanted one for ages, but mum would never let him have one.' She said, 'he didn't deal with her going well did he?' She asked and I shook my head, 'No he scared me, left for a while.' I told her, 'it was hard on us all.' She said and I nodded, 'of course it was.' I said, 'He didn't come to the funeral, and we barely heard anything from him since. I am glad he has you, you seem pretty happy together.' She said making the tea now, 'Yeah we are.' I said smiling, 'Dinner is ready.' Robbie said oven gloves on with a very feminine apron on.    

**AUTHORS NOTE**

Good hello people of where ever you are i am back. I did vanish for a little while and apologies to all who were left waiting. I will be trying to upload to this story again. I stopped for a while as i did not know weather i wanted to continue due to the fact that Smith's IRL girlfriend was made public knowledge and i felt ever so slightly awkward. But i will be continuing the story as there are many interesting developments that are yet to come to life. I am also juggling a original story with original characters, a job with current full time hours, my you tube stuff, art things and social stuff too so everything has been a little difficult to manage lately. But i am hoping to get some form of routine running in which each of my hobbies and everything get some of my time because they all mean so much to me. Thank you all so much for reading this series it means a lot for someone to enjoy what i have created. I will leave you now and i will see you in the next chapter. Have fun with your lives!

Abstronic