Poems (2012)

Breakdown

Note: Rewrite of the 01/19/12 entry of something else I have that I'm calling "Killer." It's not as clear or as detailed as the original entry because I had to take stuff out, like names of the actual people. I'm talking about multiple things/people here. Sorry if a few parts may be unclear since it doesn't have all of the information of the original entry, but "Killer" is a lot more personal and it's something I'm only letting a couple of people see. This doesn't even have the same ending as the original. I hope you uh, enjoy?, it all the same.

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Out of all of the weekends I can remember

       I can’t remember any

Sure, I can recall events

   But they were nothing important

But I’m determined to commit this weekend to memory

       It's the best I can recall

   Yet, I still breakdown

- Here: half-mad

- Here: in school, working, doing well 

       but always tired

- There: in debt, unsure of everything,

       but completely in love with his child

- Away: first one to really leave

- Not found: he never understands

I'm saddened 

       and don't know how to deal with it all

Everything was completely unforeseen

       and so much of it was undesired

I feel like I'm the only one who sees all the unhappinesses

       They cling to me and are heavy

   They wrap themselves around my ankles and weigh me down

          Pulling me beneath the water, into the depths

       Where they get a grip on my throat and don't let me breathe

I know I have it so good

       I have so much more than most could ever ask for

    or even dream of

It's life and we should move forward

       But sometimes I just need a break,

   To break down

I get tired,

       like right now

And sometimes I just need some sort of comfort

        I can't hold it all in for forever

Even if I break down,

I'll remember it all

because it's the best I can recall

And life will not allow me to break down for forever

01/29/12