confined ;; phan

chapt. eight

PLAYLIST
drug dealer by macklemore (feat. ariana deboo)
just be by paloma faith
high hopes by kodaline

the sun.

phil can't help it.
he stares at dan. he stares longingly at the boy and his angry, but fake, demeanour. he stares at his bloody arms and at his dark eyes and his skinny frame.
phil hates how terrible he looks. he wants to nurture him, bandage his knuckles and sing him to sleep. that's his dan that elon isn't looking after the way he should be. that's his dan falling apart.
his dan hurting himself.
his dan bottling up his anger.
his dan that needs to let go, to vent, to filter his thoughts and reorganise his head.
his dan.
his dan.

dan stares back, of course. it was angry and threatening when phil walked in. his plan was to intimidate dan, to make dan feel trapped and like he couldn't escape. but it's sad now. phil is sad. he wants to say sorry for everything; for the day he wasn't really looking where he was going and crashed into him. sorry for not staying away and sorry for trying to be a hero.

every time phil tries to catch dan's eye, he catches elons instead. the boy is glaring and phil can tell he's fucking pissed. phil can also tell elon is protective and possessive but phil refuses to be scared.

phil had ignored his urge to pull dan into the bathroom and kiss him for almost a week. it was chow time- phil had been eating a cheese sandwich on the floor- when dan dragged him up and into his cell bathroom. it was a tight fit, both boys having to stand barely a metre apart. the room stank like stale piss and sadness, too, and phil wondered briefly how dan could have fucked anyone in here.

"i need you to tell me what you're doing here," dan begs, tears in his eyes. it's the first time since phil had arrived that dan had been soft and timid.

"i shot someone," phil admits, looking down at his shoes.

dan gasps a little, a short breath sucked in quickly through his teeth. he had a million questions because phil and murder were never supposed to be in the same sentence.

"who?" dan asks quietly.

"i don't k-know!" phil bursts, tears pouring from his eyes. he sobs loudly, chest heaving up and down. "i f-fired your gun and he just d-died! i didn't mean t-to, dan!"

dan doesn't ask what phil was doing with his gun, or what he was doing in dans house. he just reaches up and wipes away phil's never ending flow of tears.

"oh, phil," dan whispers, cupping the older boys cheek in his small hand. "oh, my beautiful, beautiful phil."