To Love and Protect

Broken Inside Out

How you'd managed to escape with the others was always a blur to you.

Even as you sat on a soft bed with clean bandages covering your wounds, you were immensely comfortable on the outside but disturbed on the inside.

You felt another person clawing against your insides, trying to force her way out. You had constant flashbacks of pure gore and the agonising screams of your victims in that fateful day still echoed in your head.

Was that you who did all those things? Or Atsuko?

Ah yes, the person who wanted to take over. Atsuko. The woman who had everything; a job, a boyfriend, a happy life.

'But I am happy, I have Ayato and Hinami-' you thought before another voice cut you off. 'Oh please, you've been here for a week and you've barely spent any time with your precious Ayato... once he'd woken up from his two day coma, the first person he wanted to see wasn't you. It was Hinami.'

You felt your heart begin to race. You wanted to deny it but you couldn't. You couldn't because you knew it was true. 'It's been a week and you haven't even held a decent conversation with him... "I love you?" My foot.'

The voice in your head continued to taunt you, 'he doesn't love you... no one cares at all... just go die... end it once and for all... this life isn't worth living anyway...'

The voice in your head started off cold and unfamiliar but slowly you began to recognise it. It was the voice of you. You? Or Atsuko Sakurai? Was there even a difference? You weren't really sure.
--
When you'd managed pull yourself together a little, you left the room and headed into the cafe's dining area. Touka allowed Ayato, Hinami, Haise (? Was he even Haise, you weren't sure) and you to rest there after the events at Cochlea.

You noticed everyone sitting around a table, having coffee together. There was a seat left for you and everyone smiled when you sat down quietly.

"Good morning, (Y/N)," Touka said kindly, pouring a cup of fresh coffee for you. You smiled in return before taking a sip; all the while avoiding eye contact with Ayato.

While everyone sat there drinking their beverages, small talk was being made amongst them. Though for some reason you never heard Hinami speak.

"So," Haise's voice suddenly said from beside you, "you're not Atsuko Sakurai, are you?" He asked, scratching his head subconsciously.

You shook your head, not feeling like saying anything.

He smiled, "that's okay, I'm not exactly Haise Sasaki, either. You can call me Kaneki," he said, holding out his hand.

You returned it promptly, feeling a small spark as you did. You could tell that spark wasn't for you, not exactly. Atsuko.

Kaneki seemed to have felt the same sensation and blushed slightly, breaking the gesture and quickly sipping his drink. Unbeknownst to you, Ayato had noticed the interaction.

He wondered why you were acting so strange that morning.
--
You acted strange the entire afternoon, as well.

After that little "breakfast" you bolted into your room and locked yourself in. Ayato knocked on your door countless times; pleading you to come out and talk to him. He wondered what he did wrong.

After a few hours, your husband's persistence got to you and you opened the door.

"(Y/N)," he held your shoulders gently, looking into your eyes, "what's the matter? Did something happen?"

How could someone who didn't care show so much concern?

Your anger and envy got the better of you as you snapped, "why don't you go back to Hinami?"

Ayato's eyebrows knit together in confusion, "(Y/N)... what are you talking about?"

"You've spent all this time with her anyways, why stop now?" You cried, tears that threatened to fall for the whole day finally escaped your eyes and flooded down your cheeks.

"(Y/N), listen to me," Ayato said slowly, hands still gripping onto your shoulders, he pulled your closer until your nose was almost touching his. "Hinami isn't even here."