Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 18 (Part 3)

*Note: FEELS ALERT: TO LISTEN TO A VERY EMOTIONAL ELIAS..Click the Youtube link above to listen to the Audiobook Version of this chapter voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M.) featuring music covers by Conor Maynard & Alex Aiono (songs by Drake, Justin Bieber, Fetty Wap, & Travis Scott).

Elias

I throw my arm over her shoulder, and she elbows me in the stomach the second I touch her.

Note to self: Never fuck with Indigo. Ever.

"Stop talking, Elias," Indigo says.

I lift up a finger to shush her.

"I will in a minute, let me finish. Anyway, Jersey, we're kind of in a hurry so, could you go and get her stuff real quick? I'd hate to keep you away from Kai for too long."

Alex turns around without saying a word and lets the door slam in my face before disappearing back into her room. Indigo shoots me a murderous stare the second Alex is out of sight.

"What the hell was that?" She asks.

Me turning back into the person I used to be.

"I don't know. I freaked out, okay?! You saw how Kai was with her at the door, didn't you? How do you expect me to act?!"

"Like an adult! He's her boyfriend, Elias. Even if you're still head over Hare Krishna for her, that's not enough to make her leave him overnight."

I bite down on the inside of my lip just to keep from screaming. But Indigo's right. She's always right, but it doesn't change how shitty I feel right now.

Every time I blink I see Jersey kissing Kai, and as hard as I'm trying to not to go crazy, I'm losing it.

She was just with me.

We spent the night together and then she just--

--blows it off like its nothing?

Like I'm nothing.

Is that what I am to her now?

Is that what this year did?

Is this what me being too fucking scared to say anything to her outside of those letters did?

Dan warned me to say something to her earlier. To text her. To email her. To grow the balls to respond to that journal and tell her everything that happened, but I couldn't.

I couldn't.

And I don't know why I couldn't.

She left voicemails.

Ones I never listened to.

Weeks of them.

Texts I couldn't open, much less reply to.

Even after I left Mindy.

I just--let them stay mysteries.

'Cause I couldn't handle seeing what she had to say.

Even if I'd read them, I didn't know what to say. Or how to say it. Or if it'd be enough.

My unspoken "I'm sorry's" left me speechless.

And now my book's the only thing I have to give her, 'cause I couldn't man up enough to call her back.

And now that I want her back, she's--