Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 30

*Note: Click the Youtube link above to listen to the audiobook version of this chapter voiced by Kristen kaelking12 featuring music by Regina Spektor, The Fratellis, Alex & Sierra, Luhx., and Paramore.

Alex

Note to Self: Dear Jersey/Alex/J/ Whatever your name is,

Should you, for some strange reason, find yourself in a dress buying scenario with Elias ever again--you are to refuse at all costs.

No exceptions.

Do not be dazzled by his boyish yet rugged good looks, do not get caught up in those pretty eyes.

Keep calm, carry on and bite your tongue off before you say yes to the dress.

Sincerely yours,

-Smart Alex

***

Ladies of the universe, if you ever have the misfortune of walking into a dress shop with your creepster of an ex-boyfriend, know this:

Never let him pick out your outfit. Ever.

Why?

Because right now I'm trapped in a shoe box of a fitting room wearing a dress that's all boobs, too much ass, and no class.

Fact.

Okay, maybe that's only a partial fact because it's mildly elegant--in a revealing kind of way. But still. Only Elias would pick out a royal blue, sleek, silky little number that hugs my curves in ways I didn't know were possible. And now--I'm refusing to let him see me in it as a sign of protest---and mild paranoia.

What if he sees me and thinks I look as risqué as I feel? What if he thinks I look like a slutty smurf? He'll drop the Jersey nickname in a New York minute and crown me queen of the Big Apples.

There's no way he won't notice my boobs! They're practically Pop-Tarting their way out of this thing, and if I notice that, so will he.

He's already been shady enough today as it is, so the whole boobs on display situation isn't gonna help.

Okay, Alex.

Game plan time.

You can get out of this. All you have to do is unzip the back of your dress, change back into your clothes, and--

"Wow."

Elias appears behind me, eyes dazed and devoted to scanning every detail of my body. He stares at me in silence, taking me in an uncomfortable inch at a time. The high schooler in me wants to disappear, to dissolve into this dress and hide somewhere his eyes won't find me.

But right before I cave, before I follow the impulse to let my insecurities shut him out, he lightly brushes my hair away from my shoulder and kisses the side of my neck. His lips are soft, innocent, and intoxicating to the point where I almost forget that we're pretending.

And I almost forget who I am.

I look up at our reflections in the mirror, and for a split second, I see a boy and a girl who are anything but broken. I see a me who doesn't hate herself for leaning back into Elias' arms, and a him who isn't afraid to catch me.

Maybe this is who we're supposed to be. A stronger version of our old selves. People who aren't afraid to love each other out loud. People who proudly wear our hearts tattooed on our sleeves.