Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Letters to Jersey (Entry 3)

*NOTE: Check out the Audiobook version of this chapter by clicking the Youtube link above! This was voiced by kaelking12 (Kristen M)! Featuring music by Christina Perri.

Elias

Dear Jersey,

I want to tell you something NOBODY knows,

I've known for awhile, but I fought it because I thought it was something I couldn't show.

A series of firsts and lasts and the shift in between. A partial piece of just how much you mean to me...because only now do I realize that untold and unseen isn't how we were ever meant to be.

When I first met you, I found you in the same place I'd left myself.

For me, twelve months past a horrible situation, complete with a ghost that was far from six feet under in my mind.

And, six.

Six months.

Six months was half the time of mine when you passed your event that made us bet our pasts against each other. But it turned out that we were only mirror images of one another.

Same weight.

Same hurt.

Same pain carried like the other.

But farther. I pushed myself. AWAY. That cover. I used it and tried to run. The way I tried to make it a game.

But you were never just a game.

Your name.

FOREVER SET on SKIN.

And, it can't get any closer to my heart, babe.

I placed a cryptic ODE in ink, but somehow my silence made you think the worst in what I'd done.

That BET.

FOREVER SET. The Hurt.

And, all it did was make things worse.

For US.

First thought it sends to the front of my mind is how you think I lied the whole time.

That I'd use you.

But I'd never use you.

I was just so scared to lose you.

I've always been too scared to lose.

But at this point, with nothing said and all things done. There's one thing I hold onto.

That last look you gave when I took the easy way out. It's the first thing I pull from when I want to TAP OUT. It's the only thing there at the front of my mind. And for the first time, in a long time, there are no GHOSTS in sight.

JUST YOU.

In this vision of light.

It's one of the few rare moments when all feels--

RIGHT--

before you turned your back, and walked away. You SMILED. And, I couldn't say anything.

It was the most beautiful thing.

Just a little bit broken with some shyness In between.

And that smirk you work like no other JERSEY queen can.