Find Her, Keep Her (CFTM Sequel)

Chapter 36 (Part 1)

Elias

I'm standing still, but the room's turned sideways.

Sideways and spinning.

When everything's supposed to be right side up.

But my insides are upside down.

And everything outside's closing in.

I've been here before.

I know this space. This feeling.

The weight pushing down on my chest, while my ribs shatter and break under the kind of pressure they're not meant to take.

And, I can't breathe.

I blink, the whole bookstore disappears, and suddenly I find myself lying on the concrete.

Lying alone in a pile of twisted metal and glass.

And, I can't breathe.

God, I can't breathe.

My lungs don't remember how because panic's puncturing them with twisted metal and glass.

I gasp.

And I want to scream.

But, there's no sound around here.

There's nothing but shadows and pain.

I open my mouth again to say her name so she hears me.

So she can pull me out of this space.

But there's no air in this place.

I'm stuck in between the here and now and my past.

I shut my eyes because if these memories last another moment,

I'll crack into a million little pieces.

In front of a million little strangers who are waiting on my next mistake.

So I blink again, switch back into the reality I can take,

And find myself in the bookstore,

Still a boy wearing the crumbling mask of a man.

Standing in the place where the panic began.

Alone.

In a crowded room,

Full of no-named faces.

I find myself,

Without her.

Without air.