STORM.

☹forty seven

my eyes quickly shifted to the once sleeping figure that was now staring back at me.

i couldn't help but swallow to stop my throat from drying anymore.

jimin got up, so i did the same, quickly running off into the kitchen.

i grabbed a water bottle from my fridge and chugged it down.

"tae,"

i almost choked as a sudden voice startled me.

his concerned eyes watched me as i coughed.

"y-yeah?"

"can we maybe talk?" he nervously bit his lip, his brunette hair falling in front of his face.

"sure, go ahead."

"away from the others?" he pointed upwards, probably referring to my roof considering we used to have our deepest conversations up there once upon a time.

fuck.

despite not wanting to go alone with him, i silently followed.

my body was trembling at this point.

with every stair, i thought i was going to either fall or trip.

he led me up to my room, and then opened my window, carefully walking on top of the roof first.

with shaking hands, i followed.

i felt as though i was going to lose my grip from the shaking and maybe fall to my death, but right now that didn't sound too bad.

the sky was a dark blue, not many stars were visible tonight, but the ones that were shined beautifully.

it was quiet for awhile.

the only thing audible to me- perhaps even to him, was the sound of my heart beating rapidly against my chest.

"it sucks, you know?"

i turned to him as he spoke.

both the moon hidden behind a small group of clouds and those few bright stars illuminated his dark eyes.

sadly, there was more than just the moon and stars on his face.

a tear fell down his cheek all the way to his neck where it laid in the curve of his collarbone.

"i'm sorry."

i've done a lot of things before so i didn't exactly know what he was upset with me about, but i was apologetic either way.

"you shouldn't be. it's not even your fault, it's mine." he looked as put together and calm as he usually did, but it was obviously a front.

"you've never done anything wrong before, never in your life have you ever done anything worth apologizing. even if you did, it would just be god's way of showing us that even angels make mistakes." his sad eyes met mine as i tried to reassure him.

"when it comes to you, i do everything wrong. i want to be able to do it and i've tried so hard to tell myself to just stop thinking about what i've always known and just focus on my feelings, but even my feelings are wrong and i don't know what to do anymore."

his cheeks were staining from the salty, warm water on them, but he was obviously trying as hard as he possibly could to keep that smile on his face.

"what are you talking about? why are you wrong when it comes to me? what do your feelings have to do with us-o-our friendship, i mean."

"i want to be able to..., but i can't and i hate myself because it's not that difficult and i tried so hard to force myself and that itself is wrong and just fucking fuck, i just hate myself for not being able to do it."

"what can't you do?" my voice lowered a little as i felt your hand grab mine.

this is when you lost it.

these four words managed to break the absolute strongest person i had ever met in my life.

your mask broke as you held onto my hand as tightly as you could, all the while tears poured down from your eyes.

"i tried so hard... i promise i did. everyday i tried and i thought it was working out, but it's not and it's wrong to just fake this around you."

"jungkook, just breathe and talk to me." i pushed some of his hair out of his face.

he looked up at me.

my breath got caught in my throat.

i've seen you sad.

i've seen you cry.

i've seen you hurt.

yet, the boy in front of me was unfamiliar.

i've never seen you broken.

but, that's just what you were right now.

i felt awful.

"i tried so hard to just convince myself that i could do this, and that together we could be happy, but i failed."

he clung to me as if this was a last goodbye.

my shirt was soaked by his tears, but i was just happy to be here for him to have a shoulder to cry on.

"i'm sorry, taehyung."

"why?"

both of his hands gripped the back of my shirt as he sobbed in my arms.

"i'm sorry i couldn't fall in love with you."