STORM.

☹forty two

hours went by,

then days.

until finally it had been almost two weeks of not talking.

it's not like you weren't trying,

i was ignoring you.

just like the childish person i was.

missed calls,

unread messages,

that was our friendship now.

was it your fault?

no.

it was mine.

after so long of hiding everything,

i opened up.

that may not be a bad thing,

but it was for me.

it's not like the normal love confession or coming out conversation,

it was so much worse.

there wasn't just flushed cheeks or a pounding heart,

there wasn't just tears or anxiety,

it was so much worse.

i wanted to die.

i've been suicidal before,

but at that moment,

i was ready.

but of course i wasn't going to give in to that temptation,

i was a coward.

besides, i have so much to live for,

like daily panic attacks in the school bathroom from just seeing a notification from you,

or waking up in another day of pure hell when you send a good morning text almost drowning in sadness.

even if i wanted to die,

i couldn't.

i was scared.

i was afraid.

i was terrified of leaving you.