Cupid's Soldier

Chapter 20

I'm not nervous, but he seems to be. His gorgeous brown eyes are wide, he's tearing at his bottom lip with his teeth, and he keeps running his fingers through his hair. I grab the hand he has laying next to my leg, and I massage it with my thumb. When he looks up at me, I smile, and when his eyes seem to grow more intense and determined, I bite my lip. The uncomfortable feeling of want, burns at my core.

"Lissa, doesn't even know about all of this yet. She knows about a little chunk of it, but I can't tell her the rest. I'm too scared to."

"She's your twin, you protect her and love her. I have no doubt in my mind that she would do the same for you."

He gives me a weird look, a look that seems to insinuate that I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe he's right, but I have taken care of my mom since I was seven. When things got bad, I was always by her side. We struggled through a lot of things, but because we love each other, we persevered. He's underestimating the love his sister must have for him.

Raising my hands in surrender, I smile.

"Go ahead." I say, nodding my head at him expectantly. "You want to know why I have all those bad dreams, right?" I nod my head again, and he smiles nervously.

"When I was six years old, Lissa almost got kidnapped and I almost got shot. It was really late at night and everyone was in their beds. Lissa was hiding underneath hers. I guess she heard him coming from the closet and thought he was a monster or something, but she was hiding. I yelled for my mom and dad and they came running up the stairs, that's when he grabbed her. I grabbed a bat from my closet and I hit him in his knee with it so that he'd let her go and then when my mom and dad finally got in the room he shot at me. Thankfully, he missed, but I could've died. " I gulp. The thought of him dying almost at that young age is terrifying. "My parents called the ambulance because I'd fainted and they couldn't get me to wake up. Apparently the doctor's were afraid that I could've gone deaf too. I'm lucky to be alive and that I can still hear right now. After that I was always sort of a mean kid. The doctors say that my anger issues probably come from my mom, they're genetic. But, I never really felt all of that anger until the helplessness from that day. Little Sel, I never want to feel like that again."

I look at him, really look at him, and lift my finger up to bite my nail. That was obviously the part, Alissa, knew about. If it's already pretty horrible, just how bad does his past get?

"In elementary school, I was a bully. I was horrible. If someone wanted to get on the slide on the playground, I forced them to literally bow down to me. It made me feel more in control, I guess. I remember that if a boy tried to get on the slide without bowing, I would fight them. I would get so furious if anybody tried to break my rules. I would yell at girls and fight boys. I would suck up to teachers and get their sympathy, and for the longest time, I felt like a king."

I watch the smirk on his face, and instead of feeling disgusted, I'm just sad. Yes, he did terrible things. But he was a kid, a troubled scarred kid who needed a lot of trouble.

"Lissa always got me out of trouble. She was always helping me and bailing me out. But, she couldn't get me out of all of it. Eventually, I started having nightmares about Lissa dying. The dreams would always begin with me murdering the man who kidnapped Lissa and then it would end with Lissa dying because I couldn't keep her safe. Years passed and it began to get hard for me to sleep. My parents even started noticing that I wasn't sleeping at night and they took me to a psychiatrist.

I was diagnosed with Insomnia, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Anger Issues. They worry about me still to this day but I didn't want to keep going to therapy so instead I take melatonin. I still have nightmares but they don't know that. They think that I've been getting better. I'm not. I'm struggling just to make it in this life. I lash out at everyone and I always think that I'm being looked down upon. I'm always paranoid. I can't trust anyone. I don't know... I probably should still be in therapy but I really don't want to talk about my issues. I don't want to remember if I don't have to. It's normal for people with well off families for children to be at risk for kidnapping. It happens all the time in America. It's the ransom money that they're usually after. Thing is though, the man was looking for something. Sometimes I remember things that he said like he was looking for a ring with CS engraved onto it and other nonsense but I was too young to remember clearly what exactly it was or why my family have it. As long as we still have it, I have no doubt in my mind that he'll try again eventually and I'm honestly scared. If he does come back... I don't think I'll have the strength to just let him by. To let the police handle it. If he comes back, I'll end up being a murderer. That's the kind of thinking I'm capable of, little Sel. You're so bright and good, why'd you have to fall for someone so completely broken? "

My eyes are wide and they're watering as I look up at him. His eyes are almost as wide as my own and a tear has already run down his cheek. I put my hand on his face and brush it away with the pad of my thumb. Caressing the slight and sexy stubble on his jaw, I have no idea what to say to him so instead I kiss his closed eyelids. Afterwards, I kiss his cheek and then I kiss his other one. Just when I'm about to kiss his full lips I hear the creaking of a door.

He bites his bottom lip and he looks down at his legs.

"Austen?"

I gasp and Austen looks back up, his eyes wide and panic flashes through them. His whole face pales and he looks everywhere but his family. The woman who's standing next to Alissa, at the bedroom door, is gorgeous. She has a very fit body, her eyes are stunning brown, and her hair is shiny and thick.

"M-mom?" He stutters over his words. "Lissa?" He whispers, and I wrap my arms around him. Giving him one last kiss on his soft cheek, I look at the two girls, and smile.

"I should get going." I say, and start moving off Austen's bed.

"No. Please, stay. I think it would be easier for Austen, if we speak to him about this with you here." His mom says, her voice soft and lovely, even after hearing all of the emotional things her son went through.

Alissa smiles at me, and I find the strength to sit back down.