Elvirund | ✔️

Chapter Twenty Six

I closed my eyes and made a feeble attempt to calm the thundering of my heartbeat. I had probably just ruined everything. What had I wanted to say? Caphriel sobbed quietly outside my cell and I let out a broken sigh. What had stopped me? I had said so much, yet so little. I had chosen possibly the worst way to say what I had wanted. And then I had stopped before saying the most important part. My shoulder's broken bones cracked, as if to spite me.

"I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you."

I didn't even want to reply. I feared I would say something worse. Should I have said anything at all?

"Should I have even told you anything?"

"I don't know what you want." I stared blankly at the ceiling.

"I am sure you do. But if that's how you truly feel then I can't change that, can I?"

My heart skipped a beat and I couldn't breathe. Rolling on my right side, I started coughing, the frustration and anger sticking in my throat. Then I remembered my shoulder. Tears sprang to my eyes, and I quickly sat up to avoid putting any more pressure on it. What an inconvenience. I continued coughing, agony rolling through my shoulder and throat.

"Alethia, don't die!"

I couldn't say anything, but eventually the spasms died down and I was able to breathe normally. Leaning against the wall, I took deep breaths and gave her a dismissive wave. Caphriel resumed her quiet sentinel, ignoring me and gazing into her hands. I'm not entirely sure when I fell back asleep. I dreamed violently of hounds and wolves chasing me, nipping at my heels and cursing me. I was tripping over my own feet, and they were biting my ankles.

"You ruined your own life," one screamed in my ear.

"How do you think she feels now?" Another howled.

"Is this how you treat those who love you?" A third barked.

At last, I ran far enough ahead to climb a tree, but the thin branches collapsed under me and I ran once more, barely out of reach of the fangs. They cornered me, chased me around rocks and trees, and eventually drove me into a secluded clearing. Trees lay fallen to the ground, branches scattered in skeletal piles and leaves spotting the ground. I picked my way around the worst of the damage only to realize that where my footsteps landed there was only more destruction. Only by leveling even more of the already flattened forest did I make my way to the center of the dimly lit clearing, where an ethereal spirit dressed in flowing white robes floated in midair. By some miracle, I managed to summon the courage to talk to the spirit.

'What do you have to say?'

The spirit lifted its hood and Caphriel's gaunt face held my eyes. She looked old, exhausted, bent and broken. When she started crying she cried blood, dark mahogany dripping down her cheeks in rivers and pouring down her clothes. I shrank back instinctively, but my body refused to move, and I could only stand there with nothing to show my panic.

'I have nothing.'

I listened helplessly as my answer was ripped from my vocal chords. I hadn't chosen to reply in such a manner. It seemed that it had been fated to happen. The spirit's eyes widened and she began clutching desperately at her heart, as if she were to tear it out with her own hands. Pantomime screams twisted her mouth into a gruesome cavern. I couldn't look away, and blinking did no good. My dream body would not heed.

'You hurt me so! Why must you do this to me?'

Once more I was not fated to answer of my own free will. The words I heard myself say sounded detached, as if I were listening from inside my head. I shuddered; this seemed all too real, yet very fabricated at the same time.