Lovely Ever After

Kabanata 78

Kabanata 78

Hindi ako makatulog. Hindi mawala sa isipan ko ang aking nakita. Hindi ko maiwasang higpitan ang hawak sa kumot ko habang nakatalikod kay Liham, thinking how close he was to me-and sleeping-made me feel a lot of things. Hotness, confusion, excitement.

Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at saka ko inipit ang malambot na unan sa pagitan ng aking mga hita.

That length was once inside me.

Oh, my gosh. Ano ba itong pinag-iisip ko? It's been two hours already! Bakit ba ayaw matanggal sa aking isipan ang aking nakita? Tila tumatak na sa aking isipan iyon. Unang beses ko lang kasi makakita sa personal ng ganoon, hindi ko masyadong naaninag noon dahil sa dilim. Bigla na lang niyang pinasok noon...

Oh, what the hell am I thinking? It's just a big dick! Nothing more, nothing less...

Pero iba pa rin kasi. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang mararamdaman ko! Liham already slept, he's with me, he's my enemy, I should take this chance to kill him.

Tila kumirot ang puso ko dahil sa aking inisip, siguro dahil kung mamamatay siya ay hindi ko alam kung paano na ako makakaalis sa islang ito, at isa pa ay hawak niya ang halos kalahati ng mafia ko pati si Arthur, damn.

I can't risk all of that. I need time and patience. Walang magbabago sa lahat ng nangyari ngayon.

I felt Liham move because the soft bed suddenly moved with his weight, "Yomi?"

Hindi ako umimik, dahil nakatalikod ako sa kanya ay hindi ko alam kung nakaharap siya sa akin o nakatalikod din.

"Are you awake?" His voice was low, deep, and husky, it was a mixture of sweetness and unexplainable velvet feeling, hoarse but soft. It was ironic.

I acted like I was irritated, "sasagot pa ba ako kapag tulog ako?" I hissed.

Bumuntong-hininga si Liham, "I'm sorry for acting careless awhile ago, for being... you know, naked." His voice was serious. Lumunok naman ako, you should be sorry. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nahihirapang matulog ngayon dahil sa aking nakita.

Hindi ako umimik, baka kung ano pa ang masabi ko lalo't itong dila ko ay laging nadudulas, baka may hindi maganda pa akong masabi sa kanya.

"You should sleep." Saad niya, "you need it."

"Wala akong balak matulog, baka may gawin kang masama sa akin habang wala akong malay." Pagdadahilan ko, the truth is clear though, I can't sleep because of you!

"Do you want me to sing 'till you fall asleep?" He asked, now that he says that, I never heard him sing before.

"Sure..." I did not expect that single word to come out of my mouth, it felt like just because I've accepted his offer, I opened the door of my life to him halfway. I shook the thought away and remained silent.

I heard liham fake a cough, as if trying to find his voice and his pitch. It seems like he moved, nagulat na lang ako nang dumapo ang kamay niya sa aking tagiliran, it sent warm feels across my body, hindi ako makakibo. Hindi ko alam kung uurong ba ako para layuan siya o ano.

But I remained, like giving him permission. This was the tender touch I've longed for...

"If you would just slow down,
you would see, we were meant for something.
Lay your armor down and stay with me,
aren't you tired of running?"

I gasped, tila narinig iyon ni Liham kaya tumigil siya. Hindi ako makapaniwala, he can sing. I can feel a lot of emotions in his voice. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba dapat ang mararamdaman ko. He was melting the coldness of my heart. "Continue..."

That was all I needed to say for him to go on.

"Can we go back before the storm came raging?
And everything we built was gone..."

Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata, his voice was angelic. Damang-dama ng puso ko ang kalungkutan na dala-dala niya, I pushed that feeling away-I won't let him melt me with just this song.

"So sing with me, till I fall asleep,
like the way you did when you were still mine."

Tears started to form inside my eyes, I can feel the warmth drenching my eyes and judgment-I wanted to face Liham and hug him-and trying to warm the cold woman I've become, he was singing as if trying to let me see of him in the light I once saw in him.

No... I can't do that. I have to keep them inside me. My tears weren't meant to be cried, they were meant to be contained.

"And tell me that it's not over yet...
we were never good at saying goodbyes.
Why can't you see what's right in front of your eyes?"

Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang mga luha ko, agad kong pinunasan ang pisngi ko at nagulat ako nang dumapo ang kamay ni Liham sa pisngi ko, he knew I was crying.

I feel so inferior right now. Hindi pwede ito. Hindi ako pwedeng umiyak. I blinked my tears away, ignoring his hand.

"Stop singing." Nilamigan ko ang boses ko, nang nakuha ko ang lahat ng lakas ko ay tinabig ko ang kamay niya, bumangon na ako sa kama at tumingin kay Liham-nakasuot na siya ng boxer. "Doon na lang ako sa sala sa baba matutulog."

"It's cold there."

"Wala ka nang paki. Ayaw kitang makatabi." I don't want you to see me like this.

Nagulat ako nang bumangon din si Liham, "ako na lang ang matutulog sa baba."

"Ako na lang." Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Sumeryoso ang tingin ni Liham, "it's either you stay here and I go down or we sleep together."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, mabilis akong humiga sa kama.

"If you need anything, I'm just downstairs." Liham said, narinig ko ang apak ng kanyang paa palabas ng kwarto, nang wala na siya ay tila naging malamig ang silid.

I sighed, mabuti naman at hindi niya pinuna ang luha ko. Ayokong pinag-uusapan iyon. I never thought I can still cry because of Liham, doon ako nagkamali.

I closed my eyes, the absence of Liham beside me made me feel alone, like I was meant to be alone, hindi ko alam pero parang gusto kong bumaba at sabihin kay Liham na magkatabi na lang kaming matulog.

For pete's sake, dapat lang na doon siya sa baba matulog!

I tried to clear my mind, so I could sleep, iyon ang pinakakailangan ko sa mga sandaling ito. Ngunit ayaw umalis si Liham sa isipan ko, the thought of him in the living room, almost naked, walang kumot o unan, only a pillow, with the comfort of the cold, made me worry.

Paano kung magkasakit na naman siya?!