Lovely Ever After

Kabanata 80

Kabanata 80

I stayed so close to Liham, his body was cold and shaking, tila bumaba nang lubusan ang temperatura ng kanyang katawan dahil sa lamig.

I let my warmth return some portion of his, kahit man na tila sumasakit na ang kutis ko dahil sa mala-yelong hawak niya sa akin ay hinayaan ko lang siya. His hold feels like fire, it was burning me, it was ironic.

Liham needs my warmth more than ever. This simple pain is nothing.

"K-Kumusta ang s-s-sugat mo?" Liham struggled.

I smiled, "it doesn't hurt anymore..."

A relief became visible on his face, he closed his eyes, "I feel s-sleepy..."

"Okay, you can rest. Andito lang ako." Sagot ko naman sa kanya, a faint smile formed in his pale lips, mas lalong humigpit ang yakap ni Liham sa akin, I let him encircle his arms around my waist as he find the warmth he needs in this cold night.

"Will y-you stay b-beside me, Mi? I-I... I want t-to sleep... b-b-beside you..."

"Sleep well, Liham. Have a good dream." I answered.

"I-It's really cold, but at least, I c-can feel your warmth."

"Bakit mo kasi naisipang lumabas nang halos hubo't hubad? Kung nag-iisip ka sana."

Liham didn't answer, sa halip ay humilik siya, his tensed body relaxed, his tight grip loosened, his breathing became slow and steady, and shallow, nanlaki ang mga mata ko, "L-Liham?"

He didn't answer.

Bumilis ang pagtibok ng aking puso, ano ang gagawin ko?!

Bumangon ako sa kama at tumakbo papunta sa gilid upang buksan ang ilaw, doon mas naaninag ko na si Liham, he was so pale, he looks like a ghost. Like he was about to enter the gates of heaven.

Hindi ko alam pero tila napako ako sa aking kinakatayuan habang nakatitig sa kanya -he was no longer shaking from the cold, he was there, like an ice, an ice statue wanting to be molten down and set free.

Tila wala siyang dugo sa katawan. He remained still like the calm waves of the cold sea, deathly and painted by the passion of the angels. His eyes were closed, as if his soul was never meant to be seen, as if it was... gone.

He seems to be breathing slower and slower every passing time, and I stand here, just watching. Feeling worthless. Feeling useless. Feeling... the need to save him.

I need to give him reason to live.

Tila napiga ang puso ko, hindi ko alam ang aking gagawin. I did not expect this to happen to him! May sakit ba siya? Is it hypothermia? Frostbite? Or something else?!

Just give him reason to live, you stupid!

Kumuyom ang kamao ko, mabilis akong tumungo sa katre kung saan nakahiga si Liham, I held his hand, it was as cold as dead. "L-Liham? Gumising ka!"

He didn't move. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko! My mind is blank right now! All I can do was cry for him, mourn for him, and tell him to stay, to live.

I want you to know I love you, Liham, kaya gumising ka kung talagang mahal mo ako!

Tears started to come out of my eyes, what would I do?!

No, this is just a bad dream. Hindi pwedeng wala na si Liham.

How can it be?!

Kanina ay nag-uusap lang kami! He is stronger than this! The cold will never kill him! Hindi siya ang Liham na mabilis patayin, hindi ba't masamang damo siya? Mahirap siyang patayin!

He's not this easy...

Makikilala pa niya sina Levitrei at Levitrish.

Magpapakasal pa kami.

Magkakaapo pa kami.

Gagawin pa namin ang mga bagay na hindi namin lubos nagawa!

It can't...

My eyes suddenly felt so hot as tears erupted out, they held my pain and sorrows, the regret, and anger to myself. I let this happen to him. Alam ko namang sakitin si Liham pero hinayaan ko pa rin siya.

Pinahamak ko na naman siya tulad ng lagi kong ginagawa noon, I always put him in danger and in trouble. All because of me that he is now a goner...

Pumatak ang mga luha ko sa pisngi ni Liham habang nakatitig ako sa kanya, "Liham, p-please, wake up!" Pagsigaw ko.

He didn't move. Is he really gone? Can't I call for him?!

Yinugyog ko ang katawan niya, tears came out like they were alive, hindi pa patay si Liham, hindi pwede!

"Liham, gumising ka!" I begged, "Liham?! Oy! Huwag ka ngang m-magpanggap dyan na patay! Magpapakita ka pa kina Levitrei at Levitrish! Babawi ka pa sa kambal natin! Babawi ka pa sa akin! Magpapakasal pa tayo! Hindi ba?! Tapos magkakaanak pa tayo ng isa! Tapos magkakaapo pa tayo! Hindi ba't ang saya no'n, Liham?! Kaya hindi pwede na umalis ka! Hindi pwede! Ayoko!"

Hindi siya kumibo o nagsalita, tinapat ko ang kamay ko sa ilong niya, there was no sign of breathing, I searched for his pulse, but failed.

Mabilis kong niyakap si Liham, I sobbed. No. Please... No. No. No.

Not you. Not you please. Not now. Ngayon pa sa lahat ng oras?!

"A-Ako na lang ang kunin Mo..." I cried, huwag si Liham. He'll be a great father to my twins. He don't deserve to die, I do. Kaya ako na lang ang kunin mo...

I held his cold hands, hoping that the warmth it ones held will come back.

"Liham?!" Pinagmasdan ko ang maamong mukha niya, naaninag ko muli ang maliit na peklat na hindi gaanong nakikita, I looked at his lips, wala sa sarili ko siyang siniilan ng malalim na halik, my eyes closed.

There was warmth in his lips that made me open my eyes.

Dumapo ang tingin ko sa isang pamilyar na mga matang nakatitig sa akin, mabilis kong hiniwalay ang labi ko sa kanya, tila nabunutan din ako ng tinik sa puso.

"Liham?!"

"Why?" Mapupungay ang kanyang mga mata, hinawakan niya ang basang pisngi ko, "bakit ka umiiyak?"

"I thought you were gone." Bulong ko, bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya sa sarili. Hindi ko lang pala masyadong nahanap ang pulso niya at siguro hindi masyadong malapit ang kamay ko sa ilong niya kanina nang dinama ko ang paghinga niya.

False alarm.

Liham smiled, "so you'll cry if I'm gone?" He wiped my tears away, "save your tears for that day, but not today, Yomi. Not today."

Bumilis ang pintig ng puso ko, narinig ba niya ang lahat ng sinabi ko kanina?! I hope not.

Liham smiled, bumalik na siya sa dati niyang kulay, like everything before was just a dream. "Don't worry, I never heard anything of what you said."

Hindi ko pinansin iyon, sa halip ay niyakap ko siya ulit, Liham seems to be taken aback because of the sudden changes of the atmosphere, humigpit ang yakap ko sa kanya, as if telling him that I will never let him go anymore.

That I finally see him now because of that song he sang.

"Liham, mahal na mahal pa rin kita." Kaya huwag mo na ulit akong iwan.

He smiled and hugged me back -it felt like I was home again, "mahal din kita, Yomi... higit pa sa iyong alam."