Without You There Is No Me (kellic)

Chapter 13

KELLIN'S POV:

I walked into my class and the first thing I saw was Andy sitting in his seat with his arms folded glaring at me. when he noticed that I was looking at him, his glare turned into a smile as he turned to Alan and Gabe and started whispering something. They both looked at me and laughed. I walked over to my seat and sat down so that I didn't look like I was as nervous and scared as I was. As much as I hate Andy and knew that was exactly how he wanted me to feel, I couldn't help it. He was doing a damn good job at making me feel like absolute shit.

Jaime was already there so I said a quick hey to him before I turned around in my seat to see Andy now talking to a bigger group of people. They were all smiling and when they saw me turn around they all erupted in a fit of laughter. I could feel my face turn red and my stomach dropped. It was beginning to look a lot like high school all over again. I knew exactly how this was going to go. First it was little things like this but soon, Andy would have everyone on his side and they would all be tormenting me.

All at the same time, three crumpled up pieces of paper were thrown at me. That almost pushed me over the edge. At that moment all I wanted to do was just run out of that classroom and cry. How had he suddenly gotten other people to be on his side of making fun of me? What was he even saying to them?

The worst part of it all was the look of pure satisfaction on Andy's face. I felt like such an idiot for showing that what he did had an effect on me. He made me just want to jump on top of him and beat the living shit out him. I knew better than that though because a little twig like me wouldn't stand a chance against him and I've felt his punches before. They were definitely something that I didn't want to go anywhere near ever again.

I was suddenly brought back from my overwhelming thoughts by Jaime tapping my arm. Since I was about to turn around, I made sure to give Andy the finger quickly just to show my hatred for him.

"Hey, Kellin stop letting them get do you." Jaime said once I turned around to face him. His eyes were filled with worry and genuine care. I nodded at him before putting my head down on my desk because I couldn't get the words out to actually respond to him. I just felt so flustered and embarrassed. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I was going to repeat my high school experience. I can't do that though. I can't have it happen again because what if it happens when I leave college? What if I can never get away from the constant abuse from people who don't even know me? You would think that later on in life, adults would know that they hurt people but I know better. I'm not that naive and I know that people are always going to be nasty fucks. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself but I know that people my age didn't care who they were targeting or why they were the ones being targeted, but everyone just followed the crowd.

The only thing different about now form high school, is that I had no idea why these people were going against me now. In high school, it was always because I was that weird, gay kid. Now though, in college, they didn't know that I was gay, or at least I don't think they do. They also had no other reason to hate me other then the fact that Andy did. I guess he was pretty powerful though, so I could see him easily getting people to turn on me.

These thoughts were all getting to be too much so I opened up my notebook and started scribbling down song lyrics as a way to calm myself down. The lyrics didn't really make much sense, but I couldn't actually listen to music at the moment and this was the closest thing. By now, it was about five minutes into the period and I thought that I should probably listen to what the teacher was saying but honestly, I didn't care.

When the class had only about ten minutes left, I felt someone behind me as if they were going to whisper in my ear.

"You're such a faggot." A voice whispered. I turned around to see the guy who was sitting two seats behind me since there was no body sitting directly behind me. He had a smug smile on his face. I didn't even know his name.

I turned back around without looking at anyone else. I knew what the looks on their faces would be like and I didn't need to see them again. The worst part was that I had to sit uncomfortably there for the rest of class with the feeling that nobody in the room liked me, excluding Jaime of course. Also, these people barely even knew me and they were doing things like calling me a faggot. I didn't even know a lot of their names.

When class was finally over, I quickly picked up my books and headed for the door. Jaime was somehow done before me so he was already waiting. We started walking off down the hall without saying a word.

"What are you thinking." He suddenly said to me.

"What?" I said back being genuinely confused.

"I can see the look on your face and I know that you're not okay. What's going through your mind?" He said. I sighed, thinking of how to word it.

"I just- I don't know why everybody suddenly hates me." I said. Tears began to prickle at the edges of my eyes. Jaime stopped walking and grabbed my arm so that I would stop too.

"Kellin, they don't hate you. They're just following the ways of the bully. It's probably all they know how to do." He explained.

"Yeah but-" I began but he cut me off.

"No buts, Kellin. There's nothing else to it. You just can't let them get to you because that's what Andy wants. That's the goal of every bully. They are trying to hurt you and the best way to get back at them is by showing that it isn't working." Jaime said. I guess he actually had a point by this.

"I'll try." I said but soon, I felt someone bump into me from behind and I dropped my notebook to the floor. The guy who did it looked down at my book before stomping on it and looking up at me with a smile. I recognized him from some of my classes and I knew that his name was Aaron.

"Whoops." He said with a laugh as he looked at his friend who was also laughing. I just stared up at them with scared eyes, not able to form any type of words to defend myself.

"I-I" I tried to choke out some words but it was no use and I was only making it worse.

"I-I" Aaron mocked me. "What, faggots got your tongue?" He laughed thinking that he just made the funniest joke ever. He then pushed my shoulders back making me stumble.

"Speak." He commanded.

"How fucking dare you!" Jaime shouted from behind me. The next thing I knew Jaime jumped towards him and had him pinned against the wall. Aaron's friend just backed away looking surprised. I was surprised too. I didn't know that Jaime had it in him.

"Don't you ever touch him again." Jaime growled in his face. I picked up my notebook then walked up to them and started to pull Jaime away.

"Jaime stop. Its fine. I can handle it." I said to him even though I knew that that was a lie and I wouldn't have been able to handle that on my own. Jaime backed away from Aaron who had a pissed off and embarrassed look on his face. I heard him mumble 'faggots' under his breath before walking away. That made me immediately feel bad for Jaime because now he was getting labeled a faggot just for helping me.

Jaime didn't seem to care though. He just gave Aaron the finger before we walked off again, heading back to our dorms.