| Masked feelings |

1. Confession

Staring at myself in the mirror I realized life is unpredictable but not impossible. If it was impossible, I wouldn't be here, waiting to be called for my engagement, adorned in a red lehenga and matching jewellery.

I smiled, the girl in the mirror is different but she also smiled. She is not Sharon Rai Prakash, may be just an image. The Sharon I know is not a helpless girl, she is a fighter but here she has nothing to fight for. I wish if I could just unveil my masked feelings, the image would not be just an image.

I was covered inside out.

Later someone knocked on the door frame and I opened the door to see my cousin, a deep frown etched on her face.

"What happened?"

"Your mother asked me to give you a company, perhaps she presumed that you are bored." she says, making herself comfortable on my bed.

"I had told her that I am fine alone but when she has ever heard me," I yelled, and I didn't fail to notice that she flinched at my words. I did not feel the need to apologize.

"It is ok, she didn't know that you were dreaming," she giggled.

"Who was dreaming?" I raised my eyebrows challenging her to answer my question.

"Leave that Di, just talk about my jiju." She was excited, even I would be if he was him.

Jiju!

I smiled at that word. I have always fancied him being jiju for my cousins, immature thoughts I know. I was an immature girl to fall in love with someone who never saw me beyond friendship.

I believed in fairy tales, I believed that my prince charming will come on the white royal horse and will take me to his kingdom and there we will live a happy life with our kids. That was my fantasy, and it remained just as one.

I wanted to fall in love.

I wanted a person, who could understand me more than I could, who could read me without any help, who could see the impurities of my heart, who could love the imperfections of my life, who could make and cherish the memories with me, who could adore my craziness and clumsiness, who could treat my dreams as his, who could love my family as his, who could be a big brother to my cousins, who could be a son to my parents, and who could be a life partner to me.

"Shaaarrrooonnn." My cousin, Devika yelled at my ear.

"Huh, what?" I stared at her confused.

"Are you again dreaming?" She had a glint in her eyes, the kind I wish I had, the happiness.

But my eyes had its own things, tears.

"Oh my god, don't cry Sharon! You will spoil your makeup." She jumped out of the bed and forwarded me a tissue.

"Everything will be fine; it is not that difficult as it seems." She touched my shoulders, and I let lose all tears. I cried hugging her tightly.

"What happened, why are you crying? Are you not happy?" She bombarded me with questions. However, I remained silent.

As if I could tell her why I am crying.

After few seconds, we left each other, and she wiped my tears offering me a smile.

"Devika... bring Sharon downstairs." My mom yelled from the stairs.

"Coming aunty." She replied and looked at me.

Nodding reluctantly, I stood up.

Before we go downstairs, she told me to clean my face, and I walked towards my mirror. The same image again appeared, but this time, it looked broken, vulnerable. I took the tissue and cleaned my face. I made myself appealing for other's sake, why should I give a terrible memory to people.

I turned to face Devika.

"One thing is missing." She commented making me frown.

"And what is that?"

"Your beautiful smile." She formed a smile with her two fingers and showed me.

"Smile wide Sharon..." she took a breath and continued when I smiled, "...your makeup is nothing in front of this smile, you are looking gorgeous."

Then we walked away.

My heartbeat rose with each step I took, I pressed my nails to my palms, I was nervous, I was scared, I was broken, I was sad, I was angry, I was frustrated, I was helpless, and I was vulnerable. All emotions felt like a roller coaster to me. When I was going to put my right foot outside my bedroom, I heard my phone going off. The shirking voice made me jump, I ran to take my phone. The one name I was waiting to see flashed in front of my eyes sending down a shiver through my spine. With shivering hands, I slide my finger on the screen.

"Hello."

"Thank god you picked the call, Sharon."

"Why did you call me at this time?" I was terrified.

"I want to tell you something before you get engaged." He said in one breath.

"Yeah, I am listening" my own voice felt foreign to my ears.

"I love you, Sharon."

"I love you Miss Sharon Rai Prakash." That was the moment I was waiting for the last couple of years, but he was late.

"You are too late," I mumbled looking at my attire, the red suffocated me. I know I had been waiting for those words, but there were many people connected to this, I could not let them down. "You wanted this to happen," I reminded him.

"And I still want this to happen, Sharon." He was broken; I could sense it in his voice.

"Then why did you call me now?" I was exasperated. What did he think of me? He could not play me like this.

"Just want to let you know that I have always loved you and still do and will be doing to." He chose to ignore what I had to tell, and the line went off.

***

I was busy in my thoughts that I failed to notice I had become the center of attraction, I looked at Devika when she nudged me, I just wanted to hide from the gazes.

"Sharon."

I turned to see Shivam, he was smiling widely, at least he was happy. I could not really smile but I could pretend that one, and I did, how easy it would be if we could pretend everything?

Everything happened its own, I was like a Robert who played along with the instructions; I was programmed to do this. We exchanged rings, I officially became his fiancé.

It couldn't be worse when I felt his presence; he was there, staring at me, he stood there near the door looking handsome as always, he was looking at us with those eyes, it was red, I know he was crying.

"Hey Swayam" I gasped when Shivam called him; he slowly walked towards us with a smile adorned his face. I stood there immobile; I was least expecting this after the confession he made.

"Hey, congratulations to both of you." He smiled widely and I paled like a ghost.

"I thought you won't come." They both shared a hug.

"How can I miss this one, after all, my brother is getting engaged to my friend?" His gazes fell over me; I could not look at him when those eyes were full of love. I wanted to crush him in my arms, I wanted to hide him from everyone, and I wanted to run away with him.

"Hi Sharon, you are looking beautiful." He complimented, that smile never left his lips. I wondered if he ever joined any kind of drama classes. He was perfect in his acts.

The thread was broken, and I let the single drop of a tear escape. As his eyes were still on me, he did not fail to notice it.

"Thanks," 

He smiled before walking away.

***