| Masked feelings |

5. You were never mine.

*Shivam*

Slamming the door in frustration, I made my way towards my room. As I walked further into my house, the usual silence embraced me, the dark living room was devoid of a single human being, and there and then, I regretted the moment I declined Rey's offer to go with him. I was happy in morning, and now I feel so depressed, I was genuinely happy for Sharon, but now I want her here to tell me that Rey was wrong. That he was so wrong to claim something like that. The look of sympathy Rey's face held when he talked about Sharon killed me a thousand times. Sharon loves someone else' his words felt so wrong at the same time it felt right, it felt so freaking right to me that my fiancé loves someone else, what has gotten into me?

'You were expecting it, Shivam.' My mind told the inevitable, it was true, I had expected that, but I didn't expect that like this. I don't know what I want, Am I really that selfish to take away her happiness for the sake of my love?' I can't avoid it anymore. I need to do something. I will be guilty of my lifetime if I separate her from her love. I need to make sure that Rey was wrong, that he was mistaken.

Walking through the corridor, I passed Shruti's bedroom, to see her watching some movie on her laptop. The blurred image of her, her shocked face, was a realization that I had tears in my eyes. Seeing her standing up to question me about my vulnerable state, I snapped my head hastily to avoid her gaze. I ran into my room and locked it, leaving behind her protests.

'Sharon loves someone else.'

'What's the reason could be behind Sharon's disinterest on you?'

'I think he does.'

'Sharon loves someone Shivam, she does, she is sacrificing her life for the sake of your happiness.'

I have been laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling for the past one hour, how much I try I couldn't find a way to get the things Rey said out of my mind. After ten minutes of trying Shruti had gone back to her room, noticing that I was not going to open the door.

Deciding on what I should do, I sat up cross-legged on my bed, grabbing my mobile I turned it on. It is not like I haven't known about Sharon's feelings; I know that she doesn't love me in the sense I do, but she never said a No', her reply was always a Yes', that she was ready to give me a chance, I have never forced her to accept me, and I will never do that. I opened my contacts and searched for the one person's number who could help me.

Hey Swayam,

I know you can't reply to this message at the right time knowing that you might have switched your phone off, but I couldn't stop me from doing this. More than for me, it is for Sharon, I can't take the risk. Only you can help me Swayam, you have always been there for me, and I expect you will help me with this too. The thing is, Rey told me that Sharon loves someone else; I know she does not see me more than as a friend, but don't you think it's high time that she accepts that I am her fiancé, that I love her. I am ready to give her all the time she wants, but I want to give her that time only if she wants it, I can't push it on her. Please talk to her Swayam, please for me. I need an answer.'

Pressing send, I kept my phone near my pillow, to hear if I get a reply by any chance. Every five minutes, I kept glancing at my mobile, earning a chuckle from myself, anticipating his reply I waited for the sleep to consume me.

***

*Swayam*

"Sharon here is your coffee." startling with my voice she looked up, by her sudden reaction I knew I just brought her out of her thoughts.

"Thank you." Taking it from my hands, she placed it on the table. I just nodded at her in affirmation.

This was all new to me, this Sharon and this Swayam, we were never like this, we were the crazy friends who every time had something to talk, something to do. We have never been this awkward around each other, but now things have changed so as our relation and I hate it.