Little White Lies

Chapter 22: "Messed it up"

Niall’s POV

“Niall mate, get up. It’s nearly 4.” The moment I open my eyes the pounding in my head is excruciating. I look around and the room looks different but I can’t put my finger on it. “I’ve got breakfast in the kitchen, freshen up we’ve need to talk.”

When I look around I wonder where Ashley is. When I get to the washroom the collection of Ashley’s makeup and hair items are gone, when I open the cabinet under the sink everything she had was cleared out. I rush to the closet and when I turn on the light its mortifying. Half of the small room is empty.

I practically sprint to the living room, “She left this.” The key, her ring, and that cheesy note. I messed up again. I stood there waiting for the usual Liam comfort hug but he just kept eating. I looked at him.

“No, don’t even go there. I’m done being everyone’s shoulder. No more Niall, Ashley’s gone, leave it that way.” His annoyance was clear.

“What?” I was too hung over for this switch in mood.

“Come on you never saw it?” I sat on the stool next to him. “For god sakes Niall the fans were practically eating her alive, paparazzi was killing her! Niall did you even notice the amount of weight she lost? Did you even notice her?” Anger built in his eyes.

“So what this is all my fault?”

“Yes Niall for fuck sake yes! You could have prevented all of this, you could have told her you were Niall instead the James bull.” He yelled the truth that hit me like bus.

“But I-,”

“That’s your problem Niall it’s always ‘I, I, I’. Have you even thought how Harry feels right now? You just practically called him out on every tabloid rumor there was. Yo-,” he stopped for a breath, “You know what I don’t even know why I’m here. I’m gunna go don’t forget we have rehearsals next week.” I cringed at the loud sound of the door slamming.

I ran to my room and scrambled for my phone, “c’mon Ashley pick up, pick up…ugh.”

***

“Harry come on I’m sorry! Please just open the door!” I’ve been knocking for over 10 minutes now and I can already feel paparazzi will be here any moment.

“C’mon lad let me in.” the door swung open almost making me fall flat on my face. Harry left me at the door and walked away.

I stopped when I spotted him placing things in his bag. “Where are you off to?”

“To my mum’s for the holidays, do you need something?” I can tell he was mad, hell I’d be angry too.

“I’m an idiot.” I said sitting on the small couch; I leaned on my legs with my head hung low.

“Yes you are.” I heard him as he shuffled around the room.

“Ashley left.” I said

“I heard,” I looked at him confused, wait did I already tell him? Maybe I’m too hung over for this. “Liam called after he left your house. If you’re here to apologies get on with it, but just know I’m not going to forgive you that easy.” The zippering of his bag rings in my throbbing head.

“I guess that’s reasonable, I am sorry Harry I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“That was the problem, you weren’t. Why don’t you go home for the holidays? Spend this week thinking, maybe that’s what you need to do.” I nod and stand. I say goodbye to Harry and wish him a merry Christmas.

Later that day I grabbed my bags and went home. My mum greeted me by the door with open arms, by then my body couldn’t take holding it in.

“What happened?” her tone was calm and low.

“I’ve messed it up again,” I took a deep breath and hugged her tighter. “and I don’t think I can fix it this time.”

She sat me down at the kitchen table, “Family will be here in a few moments, maybe that’s what you need. Both of you.”

Mum was right, after not able to see how hurt Ashley was, I’ve seem to put off remembering family. How could I have been so blind to what was so obvious to everyone else. The one real relationship I cherished and loved is gone, disappeared and the worst part is I woke up thinking of me first. Thinking about my stupid hangover.

***

The day dragged on, opening presents, dinner, games. I felt like I was in an interview putting on a show like usual. Christmas doesn’t even feel like Christmas and I’m ruining it for everyone I can feel it.

I want to forget everything right now, all the pain I caused. With one more sip of my drink I jumped in the fun, trying to laugh and smile. Making Theo laugh made me smile. Maybe mum was right, maybe I need to get back to my roots.

Can’t wait till we’re back on tour.