A Life I Only Dreamt Of [ON HOLD]

Chapter 12

   I sat in the lobby of the hospital and twirled my thumbs. I was so fucking nervous that she wouldn't make it. I mean, I love her so much and losing her would be like losing a part of me. I can't lose another loved one.

   I went up to the front desk and stared the receptionist in the eyes. I could tell that she felt awkward with me just staring at her, but I couldn't seem to form any words. I began to break down again, and I saw her shoot up from her chair.

   "Are you okay, baby? Do you need to see someone?" 

   I nodded and pointed to my throat. She seemed to understand because she grabbed a notepad out of her desk drawer and a pen out of a cup and handed it to me. I grabbed it with my shaky hands and placed it on the surface in front of me. I looked down at the paper and wiped the tears from my eyes so I could see what I was writing. 

   I wrote down Gabbie's full name on the notepad and said I was her girlfriend so that maybe I would have a better chance of seeing her. I handed the notepad back to the lady, and she gave me a gentle smile as she typed in that name onto her computer. 

   She sighed heavily. "I'm sorry, but you can't go see her yet. Just sit down, and I'll be sure to tell you when you can see her. She's doing good though."

   "What exactly did she do to herself?" I managed to question.

   The receptionist quickly scanned over her computer. "Well, besides cutting herself a little too deep, she also overdosed on sleeping pills. Somewhat around a hundred of them. They're pumping out her stomach right now. She's not exactly awake, so hopefully it's not too late."

   I yelled, "What do you mean, 'too late'? She's strong! She'll make it! Don't doubt her."

   "Dear, I'm not doubting her strength, but she has damaged herself pretty badly. I'm just trying to be realistic here."

   I clenched my fists and walked back to my chair. Everyone was staring at me because I just caused a scene over nothing, but they didn't understand why I did that. I couldn't lose the only person that cared about me. 

   I looked straight ahead and saw a doctor walk out.

   "Um, is there someone named Ash out here?"

   I shot up from my chair and darted to him. "That would be me, sir."

   He let off a gentle smile. "Miss Hanna is awake. Would you like to see her?"

   I nodded my head in excitement. I was so happy that she was awake. I guess me worrying so much was probably a bit helpful. 

   I followed behind the doctor as I held my hands behind my back. 

   "She's in there. I'll give you guys some time to talk before you have to leave her be."

   I slowly opened the door. "Gab?"

   I heard some movement and opened the door fully, walking in and closing it carefully. I went up to the side of her bed and began to cry. I never thought I would see her in a hospital bed, especially in this way. 

   "How are you?" I heard Gabbie ask. 

   I went to the other side of the room to grab a chair and said, "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. How are you feeling?" 

   I pulled the chair next to her bed.

   "I'm just a little tired and weak. I'll be fine."

   I sighed and pulled out a piece of paper from my back pocket. "I've had this for years now, and I was planning to give it to you at VidCon, but I never thought we would get this far. I never thought I would being living with my favourite YouTuber. I never thought I would be this close to you, but I believe you deserve to read this."

   She looked at me. "What exactly is it?"

   "Just read it." 

   She muttered as she put the paper on the dresser next to her, "I will later."

   We sat in silence for what felt like hours until she said, "You know what I think?"

   I looked at her.

   "I believe that if I were to actually die right now, I would have become a star. Not a super bright one, but you know, I would be up there. Wouldn't that be amazing?"

   I nodded. 

   She patted the bed next to her. "Get up here and let's talk about the world."