I was 176
When the school health department
Called my mother and said
My weight was approaching dangerous waters
And hence the sugar liquids
That used to flood my shelves
Wiped out themselves
But what couldn't be washed away
Was my will to health
I was 160
And I maxed out my gym membership
I had dates with the treadmill more
Than my trainer arranged
I logged in kale, wheat wraps
And 1400 calories max
I was happy that putting on jeans
Wasn't as burdensome anymore
I was 140
When I officially announced
To my family that I could give away
My old jeans
I could now shop at forever 21 and
Urban outfitters, and I didn't feel
So out of place in school anymore
I was 135
When cheerleader Clarissa asked me
How I did it
I said burpees and boiled chicken
Daniel, the cute one, asked me
To text him the homework after school
I remember my first time running
5 miles and having only water
That day when I got invited
To the pool party
I was 130
And I was 130 for a very long time
I ran, jogged, sprinted and cried
But the number still wouldn't go down
I was 122
When chew and spit became my anthem and my face got way
Too close to toilets
My face paled and my stomach grumbled
But my thigh gap and bikini bridge for the summer
Couldn't wait, my appetite could
I was 115
When Daniel ignored me in the hallway
Maybe if I lost another 10 pounds
He would start talking to me again?
Some days I chewed gum
For hours on end and when the clock stroke 3 in the morning
I couldn't take it anymore
I binged on 3 kit kats and
Tried to get the devil out of me
With a toothbrush
I was 103
And I fainted during morning assembly
I heard cheerleader Clarissa snicker
Right before I blacked out
She's still weird and ugly
The only reason I was still so far
From being beautiful was
My appetite was still too big
Three digits are three digits too big
I was 96
When my school health department
Called my mother and said my weight
Was approaching dangerous waters
And hence the sugar liquids that used to flood my shelves
Rearranged themselves back in line
But what could t be washed away
Was my will out of health
YOU ARE READING
The dark abyss that is my mind: part one
PoetryDo you know that feeling? Nothing matters, nobody cares, life has no meaning. That feeling that you want to just give up? That all you do is use up space and annoy people? That everybody is better off without you? That's me everyday. Every single da...
