A Different Reality (Lasting Love)

Thinking

"Babe why aren't you sleeping?"  Justin asks sleepily.  He pulls me closer and I lay my head on his chest.  He's still bare chested and restless from our earlier festivities. 

"I'm just thinking about things." 

"What kind of things?"  He kisses my forehead "The kids?  Me?  How annoying we all are?" 

"Just life in general."  I lightly trace his skin "I'm 27.  I have 3 kids, one of them is 4, and I just don't know.  I feel like I'm too young for all this.  Like what am I supposed to do when Lexie is 18 and I'm 45?  I feel like we're going to have so much life left."

"We are, but it's a good thing.  Just think, when she's old enough to be here alone, we're still gonna be young enough to go out and get drunk if we want.  We'll still be young when we have grandchildren and we'll get to watch all of them grow up."

"I know."  I sigh "I just feel kinda like we rushed into all of this, I mean everyone else our age has been traveling up until now.  We got to do that for like 2 years and now if we wanna go to the grocery store it's a freaking mission."

"We never really had the chance to have all that carefree time everyone else did." I ramble on "We started working on our careers right away and went right from that to kids.  I just think we missed out on a lot.  It seems like there was so much more that we could, and can, do with our lives.  I love my life, and them so much, but I just feel like it's all been rushed way too much."

"Jen,"  He tries to get my attention "Jen look at me.  Would you trade any of the kids for anything in the whole world?  Anything?"

"Well, yeah, maybe a full nights sleep or my body back.  There's so many clothes I could fit in."  I joke.  I notice that he is being serious, and give him the real answer.

"Of course not.  I would never even think about trading them for anything.  They're my world.  I wouldn't be able to live without them."

"And that's all that matters.  We have years of exciting experiences and travels left in us once they're older.  Before we know it, exciting things to us are going to be long vacations instead of going to the water park.  We're going to be missing the days of the kids relying on us for everything."

"I just don't want them to grow up either.  I wanna be able to do things that we missed before, but I also want them to say so little."  I admit confusing both myself and Justin "They're so cute now, and sometimes innocent.  I don't want them to grow up and yell at us all the time."

"Jen, they yell at us now." He laughs at me "Remember I got Kay the wrong juice yesterday?  Hell broke loose.  That's probably not gonna be going away anytime soon."

"Okay, but that was because she was tired and cranky.  I don't want the kind when they think they know everything and all that crap."

"Well we could just kick them out and have more when they do that."  He says as if that's an actual possibility "We'd be young enough to do it."

"We do not need more than 3 kids.  That's just insanity."  I make him fully aware that I do not need or want any more kids.  Especially not when our 3 now are grown.  I'm not gonna start all over.  I'm going to enjoy sleeping in and drinking too much without feeling guilty. 

Before Justin gets a chance to say anything, Ben starts to cry.  He's been sleeping good lately, so it's a surprise for us. 

"I'll get it."  I grab Justin's t-shirt laying next to me and throw it on.  He reaches around to find some pants just in case.

"Kay, why are you in here?"  I find her standing in front of Ben's crib, where he is currently screaming "You should be sleeping."

"I not sleepy." She tells me as I get Ben.  I pull her closer, letting her sit with me on the rocker while I try to rock him back to sleep "Did you wake him?"

"No momma."  Ben answers for her "I scawd."

Justin walks over to his room a minute later, standing in the doorway watching us.  He stays quiet so the kids don't see and get even more awake. 

"Come on, honey, you need to go back to bed."  I pick up Kay after Ben is back in his crib.  Her restless body clings onto mine, trying her hardest to stay awake.  I walk over to her room, making sure I'm quiet enough so that I won't wake the other kids.

"Mommy?"  Kay says as I'm about to leave "You stay?"

I walk back over to her bed, squeezing myself into it, and lay with her.  She's so cute when she's half asleep and cuddly, and it's impossible to say no to anything she asks for.

Justin's POV

I walk over to Kayleigh's room, curious as to why Jen isn't back yet, and right away my question is answered.  She's cuddled up with Kay in her little princess bed, sleeping.  Kay, of course, has done the typical kid thing making it almost impossible to sleep by literally laying across Jen. 

I watch them sleeping peacefully, thinking about our earlier conversations.  I understand her thoughts about us rushing into this, but looking at things like this, and knowing how much we love them, I couldn't imagine life any other way.  She's the best mother our children could have, and I hope I'm the father that they deserve.

"Daddy?"  I hear a faint voice call out.  I break out of my thoughts to listen to her.

"You sleep too?" 

"Of course, Princess."  I smile laying down.