A Different Reality (Lasting Love)

Stressing Out

"Hey, Jen." David walks over to me "We're all going out for lunch.  You coming with?"

"No."  I snap, letting my anger get the best of me "I don't want to right now."

"Jesus.  What did Justin do now?"  He asks, jumping to conclusions way too quickly "He's always making you mad."

"He's my husband.  He's supposed to piss me off sometimes." I get defensive, especially because it isn't even Justin's fault I'm in a bad mood "It's not because of him anyway.  What do you have against him?"

"He just..." He freezes for a little, noticing that he has pissed me off even more than I already was "He just..."

"He just what, David?  What did Justin ever do to you?" 

He gets the point and walks away.  I love him to death, but sometimes it really pisses me off how he acts towards, and about Justin.  He automatically thinks that anytime I'm a little upset it's because of Justin.

I sit at the table continuing to read over my lines.  Silence of the dressing room should help me, but there's too many thoughts running through my head right now.  Normally, I'd do this at home after the kids go to bed, but this whole week has been hell.  I've had no time to myself at all, not even to shower alone, and I'm almost positive I have my own breast milk in my hair from Alexia's horrible eating habits.  Justin and I have been running on 4 hours of sleep a night if we're lucky, and I'm too stressed out to even think about doing anything nice.  I can hardly even think about how to read my lines because my brain is so blurred up.

"Mommy!"  Ben runs up behind me latching onto my leg.  Kay follows behind, attaching to the other leg, and Justin hands me Lexie seconds later.  I'm officially trapped.

"I have to go to work.  Sorry, babe."  Justin leans in to kiss me "My mom will get them soon."  He says bye to the kids, and disappears a few seconds later.  This has been our normal for the week.  We see each other while we're miserable and tired.

Lexie starts to cry immediately, so I quickly walk them all back to my dressing room so I can feed her.  Kay and Ben entertain themselves with some drawing equipment while I try to look over my lines and feed Lexie.  It all works out until Ben draws a line on Kay's paper and all hell breaks loose.

"Mommy!!!"  She runs over to me with the picture sobbing, obviously experiencing a major crisis "He breaked it!"

"Ben, you need to stay on your paper, buddy."  I take Kay's and erase his markings "Here, now you can't see what he did anymore."

She takes it back, running back over to where she was sitting.  I finish feeding Lexie and set her on the floor to play with her toys.  She makes the cutest, yet most annoying squealing noises, as she plays.

"Aw, I thought I heard her!" Lisa bursts into my dressing room followed by Matt "She's getting so big!"

Matt sits down with Kay and Ben to draw "That one doesn't like me for some reason, I like these two more."

"She doesn't like you because you hit her head on the wall."  I remind him "The other two like anyone right now.  They'll like you even more if you get them food."

"Why are they all here?"  Lisa asks "You didn't tell us they'd be here?"

"Justin had to go work early so they're here until Phyllis can get them."  I say "They came just in time for me to miss my nap."

They play with the kids for a while giving me some time to actually do my work.  I get to look over my lines and go through hair and makeup without any interruptions.  We all walk out to hang out with the rest of the cast after.

"You're on in 10." The director tells me "You'll need to keep them away from the set."

Shit. She's stuck in bad traffic and everyone else here is going to be filming.  I can't leave them by themselves or they'll probably find a way to set the place on fire. 

"Mommy."  Kay tugs on my shirt "I gotta go potty."

"Okay."  I quickly pick her up, walking towards the bathroom.  I set her down so she can do everything while I try to entertain the other two.  They act like they have never seen the inside of a bathroom before and need to touch everything around.  Kay finishes and I quickly help her wash her hands, then rush them out of the bathroom.  I have 5 minutes left and it's not looking good for me.

Luckily, just as I'm about to be called, Phyllis walks in.

"Thank God."  I hand her the diaper bag while she gets the kids "I should be done in a few hours.  Thank you so much for watching them."

"Don't worry about it."  She reassures me "I love being with them.  Have fun here."

I practically run out onto the stage as they leave, sitting on the couch with some coffee.  The rest of the cast in the scene joins, and within seconds we're starting.  The set fills with laugher from the audience while we try to go through our lines without too many mistakes.

"Hey, I just wanted to say sorry about earlier."  David runs up to me as I'm about to walk out "I know it isn't my business."

"You're right.  It isn't." I agree with him "I'm tired of everything, and I really don't need someone who thinks they know more than they do giving me their opinions about my marriage.  I couldn't have asked for a better husband and father of my children than Justin, and I really don't need to hear your input about him."

He stands there silent as I walk to my car.  I don't know why he thinks it's okay to act like he does, but it's the last thing I need right now.  I drive straight home, knowing that since it's late Justin picked up the kids.  I don't even bother eating anything because all I want is my bed.

"Do you want me to order us something?"  Justin asks as I change "I fed them, but I'm too tired to cook."

"All I want is to sleep." I collapse onto the bed "This whole thing is so stressful.  We should have never let them outnumber us."

"Just promise me one thing?"  He asks.  I nod my head for him to continue "No more.  At least not for a few more years." 

"I wouldn't even think about it."