Nonversation

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Dirga.

Gamaliel Audirga Danuandra is now listening to Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

Gue menyetir mobil gue dalam diam.

Tanpa Dion, tanpa siapapun.

I just want to be alone. I need to.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.

Shit. Never in my life i am feeling this sad. It's like i am going to die now.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

Theala Radista Queensy, is that hard for you to love me?

I am not asking you to do that as much as i do, but at least, love me.

Love me as you can.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Dan sebanyak apapun gue memohon, tetap bukan gue orangnya.

Sekeras apapun gue teriak, bilang ke diri lo kalau gue ada di titik dimana gue udah nyerah sama diri gue sendiri karena gak bisa dapetin hati lo, tetap bukan gue orangnya.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

If only i can say goodbye that easy.

If only.

But instead of saying so, i'd rather to watch my self die while looking at you happy with someone else.

Karena gue gak bisa jauh dari lo, sekalipun lo bukan milik gue.

TIIIIIN.

Gue tersadar dari lamunan gue ketika menyadari kalau udah banyak banget suara klakson mobil yang kayaknya udah menyumpahi gue dari mobil mereka masing-masing.

Nyelip aja kek anjing, sabar dong. Udah tau orang lagi galau.

Lah, kok jadi gue yang kesel? Padahal gue yang salah udah ngelamun 15 menit sampai udah ngelewatin 2 lampu merah berturut-turut. Gue membuka kaca jendela mobil sambil mengeluarkan sebatang rokok dan menyalakannya. After a very long time i forgot how to taste ciggar because of this hectic mind, i finally got to taste it again. Selama sebulan di London, kayaknya hanya 2 kali ngerokok, itu juga minta rokoknya Ares. Banyak yang menjadikan banyak pikiran sebagai alasan buat ngerokok, tapi justru di saat pikiran gue sedang berat-beratnya, gue bahkan merasa gak mampu untuk menikmati enaknya rokok.