Thoughts of a Scared Liar

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It must be due to my monthly period that I feel grumpier than usual.

I mean, I feel grumpy everyday but no one seems to be bothered by it kasi hindi naman nila nahahalata due to me keeping it inside. Yey. But today is different because I can actually rudely fend people off that only my best friend— the girl who loves selfie, can seem to 'not' be bothered by it.

(I have seem to mentioned my best friend a few times already pero napakilala ko na ba sya? Kung hindi pa, please call her Deema— short for demanding kasi she can really be demanding. Most of the time sa ibang tao. Seldom to me and her sister and never to her mother.)

Well, after I show my irritation I would say, "Sorry, meron ako ngayon, e." and thank god hallelujah the ever perfect girl named En is forgiven for being rude because of her period.

If only the female's menstruation period is whole year round, then I'd have the perfect excuse everyday for being rude and still, people wouldn't judge me. They will blame my hormones and not my attitude nor upbringing.

Pero ayoko din pala non. I'd die 'cause of too much blood loss and my uterus would be bloated and I'd feel uncomfortable everyday so yeah, the only option would be to adjust every single time to the people around me.

'Chin up, smile, and say please' is probably our family's motto. Na-realize ko na yan when I was young.

Sadly, kailangan kong i-apply ang motto na 'yan tonight ng ten-fold because our family is going to have dinner with my father's superior.

Nakaka-sad kasi hindi ko pwedeng idahilan na meron ako. I need to consider na isa sa mga may ari ng hospital ang makakasama namin sa hapag mamaya. Damn it. Ini-imagine ko palang na makakasama namin yung matandang yun sa pag kain, naiirita na ako lalo. Damn that fucking perverted old man who touched Deema's ass once during a seminar at school.

As I was choosing a dress to wear, my Ate entered my room to ask few questions about my father's research paper— na kami ang gumagawa. Yes. This is for the sake of the family sabi ni Mom so sino ba naman kami para tumanggi? After all, our father is a great man. Yeah. Mom is aiming for him to be the head doctor so he really needs this. For sure, his research will be brought up later. Bago dumating ang pervert mamaya, kailangan na-orient na namin si Dad about the progress of his thesis.

Pagkatapos ng discussion namin ni Ate, humilata muna sya sa kama and being a good sister, I let her. I continued scurrying my cabinet for the most plain dress.

I really would like to engage my Ate in a conversation because she felt weird to me. Like she's a walking plastic these past few weeks. I don't even know why. She's popular. She has a young boyfriend. She's intelligent. She is well-loved by his friends, colleagues and employer because she's bubbly and nice but she's turned into a plastic.

After finding the perfect dress, I excused myself to the bathroom to wash up and change sanitary napkin.

It was only then that I realized what's changed in my sister after getting out of the bathroom.

She was still in my room when I abruptly asked her, "kailan ka nagkaroon ng huling dalaw?"

She immediately got up and answered, "Katatapos ko lang last week." Then she excused herself.

She cringed her nose up and smiled. She's lying.

Walang bawas yung pack ng sanitary napkin in her toiletries.

Her breasts seem to have gotten a little larger.

Madalas hindi na s'ya sumasabay samin sa pag kain during dinner.

She's easily tired. When she got home from work, nakakatulog na sya kaagad but her normal routine before is to watch atleast 1 movie or read few chapters of a novel.

Often massages her back. She's probably experiencing backache already.

Huh.

She's pregnant.

Probably.

Well ... not really my business.