Thoughts of a Scared Liar

Master of Ceremony

Putangina.

I don't want this.

I don't want any of these shits.

These people didn't even asked me if I'm okay with this.

Ayokong maging M.C. Not with Mikael. Kahit may 1 month preparation, ayoko.

Did they even asked me if I'm okay standing in front of many people? I've been exposed to a damn crowd for reasons I cannot fend off.

Sure. Ako si En. The confidently beautiful Science Council secretary; the leader; the people charmer. Ako si En. I'm supposed to do whatever they expect me to do.

Pero wala bang magtatanong sakin kung payag ako? Just because I'm good in speaking it doesn't mean na gusto ko ring humarap sa maraming tao.

I am not allowed to feel anxious and insecure with my own flesh?

I am so damn scared whenever I go in front and talk to a crowd. Hanggang ngayon wala pa ring nakakahalata. Mukhang okay ako sa harap ng maraming tao but the thing is, my heart would beat rapidly; I would constantly brush the sweat on my face using my hanky; kapag nararamdaman kong nanginginig na ang mga binti ko, I hide it using the podium; when my hand tremble, binababa ko ito kaagad.

I am so scared. Paano kapag mapahiya ako? I can't afford to humiliate myself. I am En. A model student. The responsible daughter.

Why would they want me to do it, huh?

I hate this conference.

Screw that Science Fair next month. I don't want this.

I hate all these people from the Science department who voted for me.

Rina obviously wanted this task. Andyan naman sya. Itago nya lang ang habit nya sa pagmumura and it would be alright.

Deema didn't even want this for me. She's not aware that crowd scares me but she knew that I hate being in the limelight.

Really.

Damn it.

Putangina.

Damn that fvcking President and Vice-President for not having the audacity to inform me their idea to vote for these tasks.

Putangina this conference.

Putangina.