Nevermore 》 Shadowhunters

Fifteen

What did I do?

What did I just do?

I can't believe I did that.  I mean, I'm naked on Magnus' bed, so I can't say what happened a few hours ago didn't happen, because it did.  Oh, god, I can't believe I slept with Magnus.

I wrapped myself with his sheets before grabbing one of his robes.  I began wrapping it around me when Magnus came in, already dressed. 

"Sleeping Beauty's finally awake."  Magnus said.

"Sorry, your drinks really do a number on me."  I mumbled.

"They most certainly do.  Earlier today is proof enough."  He smirked.  "I can see why you're known as the Fiery Wayland."

"Thanks...I think."  Magnus checked his phone.  "Seems your brother thinks I know someone who can break the curse Jocelyn's in."

"Do you?"  I asked eagerly.

"Of course.  We're leaving as soon as you get ready."  We stood there in silence.  Magnus rolled his eyes.  "I understand, Samantha."

"Understand what?"  I stammered.

"What you did what you did.  I get it."

I sighed, "Magnus -"

Magnus poured himself a glass, "After all the events that happened the past few days - Clary being your blood, Valentine being your father, the life you could have lived, Alexander's wedding - you needed a distraction.  And a distraction is what I gave you."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "And you're ok with that?"

"My friend needed help.  And, for once, I enjoyed being a distraction.  Recreated the first night we met."  He smirked my way.

I blushed under his gaze, "Yeah, umm, you weren't that bad either."

"You wouldn't be saying that if I was a certain someone."  I shifted my gaze to the ground.  Alec's getting married soon.  I thought this would hurt less as time passed by.  It hasn't.  It feels like someone's trying to punch a hole through my chest.  Magnus pulled me in for a hug.  "Alexander's making a terrible mistake, one that he will regret someday."

I pulled away as I walked around him - with him following me out, "I don't think so.  He made his choice.  I'm going to respect it.  And, please, let's let what tonight happen be between u -"  I froze in place while my mouth flew open and my chest started to beat fast.

"That might be a bit difficult."  Magnus said behind me.

I didn't move from my place as Alec noticed my messed up hair.  He kept looking between me and Magnus while his mouth opened a few times.  He looked...heartbroken. 

I don't know why if he's the one that proposed to Lydia, if he's the one getting married.  He shouldn't look like that.  But, my chest began hurting with the way he's looking at me.

Alec broke his stare from me and looked at Magnus, "Magnus...you said you needed to talk to me."

I went around him.  The moment I was in the hallway, I went towards the room Magnus let me stay in.  I leaned against door and started to take shaky breathes.  This is why I left the Institute, seeing him here....I can't.  Seeing him here hurts.  I feel hollow.  I wish I could just turn everything off, be the emotionless soldier they taught us to be.  But, Valentine's right, I care too much.  I want something to numb the pain.

I just wish things would go back to the way they use to be.

》》》》

I haven't bumped into Alec later that night.  Magnus and I went to the Institute, waiting for everyone else to show up.  Magnus looked furious and annoyed.  I got up from my spot when Jace came in and hugged him, "How you feeling?"