Hitch Your Wagon To A Star

f i v e

❝I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.❞
-Owl City

***

It was finally the weekend, which is exactly what I was waiting for. The weekend always means that Maya is going to come over and spend the entirety of it with me. Also, there's no school, it's like killing two birds with one stone, and after the week both of us have had — despite Maya still not sharing with me what's wrong — we deserve the small break the weekend supplies.

I shouldn't say it always means Maya coming over, for last weekend she didn't. Last weekend, I spend the entirety of my weekend at a graveyard, pretending to thank people for coming to see my uncle's closed casket service. There wasn't much thoughts of rainbows in those moments, or of how other people are going through something worse. I just kept thinking of him and my aunt and how she didn't deserve to mourn. She didn't deserve the hugs she received, the sorrowful words she kept hearing, the it's going to be alright's that she was given. She deserved nothing, except for her pain.

I shake this all away, for even though it's been a tough week, it's almost over. Despite Maya not being able to come over last weekend, she promised me she'd be over this weekend. There is no Jupiter sighting, there is no super moon, it's just going to be us. Despite enjoying looking at the night sky with her, there is nothing better than just being with her. There is nothing better than just having her around, without having to discuss constellations, even though I absolutely love that. It seems the constellation we discuss the most anyway, is Orion's Belt. It's the easiest one to find, and we always make up stories about how he's getting ready to go into war, fighting for the rights of the other stars. Perhaps, we need to grow up, perhaps, we need to get out of our fantasies, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's our fantasies that are keeping both of us sane. I don't mind acting like a child, if it makes both of us happy, for I'd give anything to keep Maya smiling.

However, I can't help but keeping thinking about what she told me, about me loving her more than I should. I wish she didn't belittle herself so much, for she has no idea how wonderful she is. She has no idea how lucky I am to know her. Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote comes into my mind, and I begin to think of what hitch your wagon to a star really means. I've heard it plenty of times, read it in many quote books, but I've never really taken it into consideration, until Maya told me I hitched my star to a wagon.

I bring up the Google app on my phone, before typing what does hitch your wagon to a star mean? Normally — not always, but normally — Google has the answer. I've always assumed it meant a person who belittles themselves is hooked to a person who holds themselves up, or in other words, is better than the first person. I wasn't entirely wrong, but I most definitely wasn't right.

The Google definition is this — To hitch one's wagon to a star, is try to succeed by forming a relationship with someone who is already successful.

I don't know why Maya would tell me I've hitched my star to a wagon, for I'm not successful. I'm just bopping around in this world, trying to figure out what's up and what's down. There is nothing "successful" about me. Does she even know what the definition actually meant, or did she assume it was what I thought it originally was?

My thoughts are interrupted as the front door opens and Maya announces her arrival. "I had to hitch a ride from the neighbor who was coming this way. Didn't dare ask Mom," she sighs in annoyance as she sits herself down next to me. "What ya doin'?" She asks, curious as she looks over my shoulder, only to read the definition of hitch your wagon to a star. "Still thinking about the other day?" She whispers, her voice unsure if she wants to go down this direction.