Journal Of The Fallen

A Story Within Confusion

Who can help me with myself?
The lonely girl would ask,
Her question was difficult,
And she faced an impossible task.

Everyone told her differently,
Giving her hope, doubt, and fear;
Bringing on with it her confusion,
From everything that she would hear.

She first asked her mother,
"How do I know my worth?"
She said she shouldnt ask such things,
For she was a miracle at birth.

With this she felt enlightened,
But only for a while,
For every year that went by,
It became harder for her to smile.

She looked all around her,
At everything she could see,
Not understanding the point of life,
Or why hers had come to be.

She thought about her pain,
And the memories she couldnt bear,
She thought about her lost friends,
And the kindess that was so rare.

She thought about her bullies,
And the way that they would mock,
And the lesson they engraved in her,
That she should never ever talk.

She thought about the darkness,
That always would consume,
Everytime she went to bed,
Alone in her darkened room.

She thought about her guilt,
And the anxiety that always hides,
That causes her to panic,
From the nerves humanity provides.

She thought about her blade,
How it made her feel safe and sound,
Watching her problems bleed away,
As its crimson stains the ground.

She thought about society,
And all of its many laws,
Which brought you to your knees,
Making sure that you would fall.

She then looked in the mirror,
At the appearance she hated to see,
Silent tears marking her face,
As she wondered why she couldnt be free.

She thought about fate,
And how it was so cruel,
That only certain people,
Got their life to rule.

She thought about destiny,
And how life wasnt fair,
For why should she be put in a situation,
Where for her,nobody would care?

She considered human will,
Realizing this was just a lie,
For society will control your life,
Until the day you die.

She thought about her anger,
That everyone wasnt treated the same,
For if you're not a certain way,
You automatically loose the game.

And filled with determination,
This girl would daily strive,
Wanting nothing more than an explanation,
For her questions that would arise,

She spoke with scientific men,
Who claimed with dedication,
That all of her disturbed thoughts,
Could be solved with medication.
She spoke with psychologists,
Who claimed it all to be her mind,
And with a few simple tests,
She would leave this all behind.

She spike with her friends,
Who said she was overreacting,
Leaving her bewildered at rhe thought,
Sending her backtracking.

Now baffled with her answers and thoughts,
She was a very troubled youth,
Unable to disconcern,
Their opinions from the truth.

She almost gave up searching,
But in the very end,
She ran into someone,
Where the truth he would not bend.

As she frew to know him more,
She knew her search was at an end,
For she never felt more at ease,
Than when she was with him.

With a smile of pure elation,
She felt like a shinin star,
Because he wanted nothing more than her happiness,
"And for you to be just the way you are."

All of her conflictions,
Vanished into thin are,
So that she always stayed happy,
As long as he was there.

The longer they stayed friends,
The more she loved him everyday,
Until the thought of leaving him,
Crushed her heart in everyway.

Now she cant live without him,
Shes just not that strong,
And two graves would have to be dug,
If she was left in a world where he no longer belonged.