Black Storm - Red Queen Fan Fiction

Chapter 4 - The Lamb part I

set at the same time as part III

It felt odd not to be involved in the execution of mission. It itched Farley to check and ask about the progress of the Choke operation, yet she chided herself for it. There had been a multitude of Scarlet Guard activities she wasn't even supposed to be aware of and so far, she had respected the drill to keep information classified. No, the urge to know had much more to do with the change she was forced to undergo herself and which scared her immensely.

But fear was a factor she'd had to deal with for the most of her life. It was a rather small part of the reality she sought distraction from. In truth, she had enjoyed the carefreeness of battles and she missed it already, even more for the months to come. Her currect lack of occupation (she had to do something about this) left her with too much time to think and thus, too much time to grieve. She had given in to tears, in some lonely moments, but while it helped to simply miss Shade, she continued to yearn for more meaning. It was as Cal had said to her: You're too convinced of the cause to give up your courage.

She wouldn't let go of her dream, ever. The baby was less of a obstruction and more of a motivation in this regard. Was there a greater reason than your children to fight for the future? Indeed, if she was honest to herself, ideology had always been her favourite comfort.

Yet, ideology was an escape that had maintained her distance to other people. She didn't cherish to be alone, actually. She was a quite touchy person, despite keeping her heart to herself. Though some persons had the uncanny ability to cross her borders as if they were nonexistent. With the exception of Mare - who had changed dramatically in the last months - it appeared to be a talent running in the blood of the Barrow family. As she had experienced, when she'd met Shade's family in the morgue.

Farley remained beside him, still holding his beautiful hand. It wasn't the same anymore, getting colder and stiffer by the second. She had to force herself to let go with a jerk, only to notice her other palm resting on her abdomen. Damn. There, growing in her womb, was the greatest rebel of them all, as it dared to exist despite all those terrors in their world. She needed to calm down and think this through. Most of all, she had to leave Shade's body behind and focus an the road ahead -

That was when the Barrows entered the morgue and Farley turned around with a flinch. She couldn't run away from them. Kilorn must have told them about their loss and he brought the Barrows here, as he came along, with a crying Gisa grapping his arm. Bree, the eldest, shoved their father's wheelchair while Tramy and their mother walked side by side in somber resolution. They held on to each other as a family unit, now more than ever. Yet Farley wondered if this was really the first time they'd had to deal with bad news. She swallowed. She'd met them before, as Shade brought her along to ease them off after the Colonel had confined Mare. How confident she and Shade been. They had planned their escape together and where had it gotten him?

She had to face the wrath of his family. Nevertheless, there was no reason to be ashamed of having been the responsible Scarlet Guard officer, was there? But the shame lingered inside of her, a large and heavy stone of remorse, fighting against her rebellious dreams.

"Morning," she greeted them. And then she bowed. "My sincere condolences. I'm deeply sorry about Shade's demise. He died bravely."

Her phrases sounded awfully shallow. How couldn't they, as they offered no comfort to Farley, either. She looked at them and recognized a family of survivors. Fighting for Norta hadn't killed them and they had endured no matter what while it had been Farley's yearning for a better world that had ended Shade.

She couldn't give them anything, not this way. Her heart cramped. She saw their grieving faces and realized she felt exactly the same as the Barrows.