Wide awake

Chapter Twenty three. Candy Cane Surprise

B.P.O.V

The six nights leading up to Christmas were amazing. Every night when I’d enter Edward’s bedroom, he’d pull off my hood and give me a kiss at the door. It was my new favorite part of the night. I’d still unload his food on the bed when he pulled away, and I’d still go to the sofa and read the books he got me. I tried to keep things as normal as they ever were. I did begin removing my hoodie once I was inside. Edward seemed to like that. I never wore anything quite as revealing as the blue sweater, but it was still a leap for me.

We kept things simple and light, never venturing into conversations regarding our pasts or our current relationship… or lack thereof. It didn’t upset me. I was being patient. Sometimes I wanted to climb back down the lattice just to come back up and get another kiss. There was some kind of silent rule about not kissing once we were in bed. I wasn’t sure what it was related to, but I was always followed it.

Edward still gave me a soft kiss on the top of my head before he pulled away every morning. And once I was dressed and ready to leave, I’d drop off his cookies and he’d sit up to kiss me on the cheek. I think he had a thing about morning breath or something, but I wouldn’t have minded.

He had been acting the same as always. No more and no less distant. I was rather relieved that we had established a pace, and he was happy with it.

Alice was spending most of her time in Port Angeles during the days, leaving me home alone when I’d refuse to go with her. My days were mostly boring. I’d flip through Edward’s old sketchbook sometimes, or read one of the books he insisted I take home with me.

Two days before Christmas, I broke down and went shopping with Alice. I still had to buy presents for her and Esme, and I wanted to get something special for Edward. We never discussed exchanging presents, but I wanted to have one in case he ended up buying me something. I was still hoping he didn’t.

I efficiently dodged Alice in the mall that afternoon and went off on my own. I hugged the walls and cringed into my hoodie as I walked the large building. As soon as I saw it, I knew it was I wanted to give Edward. It was very symbolic, not expensive or anything. And after I was home with it, I got really scared that it was a bad idea to give it to him. It was possibly a little too symbolic.

Ever since my trip to Phoenix I had been wrestling with the notion that I was in love with Edward. I still didn’t know exactly what it was supposed to feel like, or if I was even capable. But I did know that whatever I felt for him was as close as I’d ever get. And I was comfortable calling it love. It was a scary notion, to be in love with someone. Especially someone like Edward, who quite possibly could never love me back. And not because he didn’t want to and not because I wasn’t good enough – which is probably a fact anyways. But more because he had been too damaged and scarred by the people he had loved to allow himself to.

I wrapped it up anyways, deciding that it was very possible that he wouldn’t quite grasp the entire symbolism of it. So at ten on Christmas Eve, I packed the little box in the bottom of my bag, along with all his food and a bag of Candy Cane Surprise cookies.

Alice was pretty exhausted from her week of shopping, so she was out like a light before I even started on the cookies. I lined up the bags of cookies on the counter before I walked out the door. One each for Esme, Alice, Jasper, and Emmett.

It was cold out tonight, but I had expected that and come prepared with a thick sweater under my hoodie. I drew my hood up on the back porch and began making my way across the yards. I climbed the lattice easily, nearly snorting at the memory of Edward worrying I’d get hurt doing it. I could climb this thing in my sleep with one hand tied behind my back.