Wide awake

Chapter Thirty Nine. Biscotti Buy Me Offs

B.P.OV

I whipped the icing roughly, watching the streaks of blue food coloring bleed into the white until eventually it was a perfect shade of pale cornflower.

Blue had been the bane of my existence as of late. Blue walls, blue bed, blue rugs, blue everything. And then there was always the black that swallowed it whole. But today wasn't about my black and blue. Today was very important and I had a mission to accomplish.

It was a Saturday and I was standing in the kitchen wearing the modest outfit Alice had chosen for me per the arrangement that was still standing, even though she accepted Edward anyways. It was kind of special for this occasion. Hopefully. Really, I felt awful that Alice had been pulled into this mess between Esme and me. She didn't want to choose sides, and she shouldn't have had to.

She didn't need to until Esme asked her to keep an eye on me at school. Now she has to lie for my benefit. We grew ridiculously closer over the last two weeks. She began covering for me more and more often, deterring Esme from speaking to me when she could. Which I was grateful for, because in all honesty... Esme had been driving me up the wall.

She was constantly asking me if I was "okay", or if I felt "okay", or if everything at school was "okay". There was a day the previous week where I began keeping track of the number of times she said the word ‘okay’. I got to twelve before I lost count.

I would nod, biting back a grimace at the truth of the word. I was okay. I wasn't great, and I wasn't happy with the current circumstance. But much like a disgruntled multiple amputee, I was okay in the sense that I was still technically alive and breathing. I couldn't complain very much really.

So instead I settled for the two week silent treatment and reduced our communication to nods and head shakes, emphasized by the occasional grunt or hum. It was possibly a little bitter and immature of me, but I didn't care.

Esme detested the silent treatment quite openly, attempting to force multiple word answers out of my mouth with elaborate inquiries. It never worked, and I could see her growing agitation with every simple shrug I made. She began resorting to desperate measures to gain my attention.

The prior weekend, she had returned home with hundreds of dollars in kitchen accessories. My jaw fell slack as I watched her unload the contents of her trunk in awe. There were stainless steel mixing bowls, cookie presses, pots and pans, a waffle iron, a food processor, and... I was not pleased as she passed me with a large grin.

I made it quite clear as I used the old, plastic mixing bowls to make my Biscotti Buy Me Off cookies that evening. I shot the cookie press a few covert glances, but I didn't budge. Because, as the cookies were clearly meant to illustrate, I couldn't be bought. She seemed sad to see all the newly purchased accessories go to waste the following morning, but I was too mad and, truthfully, a little offended to feel guilty about it.

I offered her a mere grunt when she frowned at the new waffle iron that sat unused and asked if it was ‘okay’.

Then she tried another route that evening. Declaring it a 'movie night' and working feverishly to become one of 'the girls' while Alice and I rolled our eyes and settled on the couch disinterested. The darkness and the movie made me sleepy as I leaned my head on Alice's shoulder and fought to stay awake. Esme sweetly suggested I "Go get some sleep."

Yeah. That didn't help her case any. I nearly caved right there in the dark living room and told her everything just to see the look on her face. To tell her that I could sleep just fine if I were with Edward. But I kept my mouth closed and finished the movie with multiple yawns. Because Esme wouldn’t understand why I needed Edward for sleep.