Vampire academy - blood spell

Chapter 2

I woke up today with the same nightmares. My heart was racing and all I could see was the face of Roza. I looked over to the vodka sitting on the table and wandered over to find it empty. Sighing, I picked it up, tossed it and walked into the bathroom. Today was the day of Roza's funeral. I knew I looked like shit so it didn't surprise me when I looked into the mirror and stared at my reflection. A short beard was forming around my face, my hair was matted and all over the place but their was something else too. A look in my eyes that had always been there but now more defiant. Pain. So much pain and grief. I looked at the time before jumping in the scolding hot shower attempting to wash everything away and before heading to the funeral.

I wasn't going to go to her funeral. I don't know, part of me just thought I wouldn't be able to make it through. But here I am. Sitting in the far back corner of the church waiting for the ceremony to start while staring at the beautiful picture in front. I analyse the beautiful dark, wavy hair reaching down over her shoulder. My attention then turned to the stunning dark eyes and the extraordinary smile that could light up any room. I stop at her lips and study them. I remember the the shape and the way they felt; How they felt to touch, to kiss. My mind flicks to our first kiss under the last charm and after. Constantly going passed every single touch and contact we made in the past several months. I start to feel a twitch of a smile as I remember the little smart ass and witty comments that she would make.
But like always, my mind always goes to the one image that is always lingering in the back of my mind. The image of her body once full of life and passion now lying there empty and cold after the strigoi attack. And that is enough to remove any twitch of a smile and any drop of hope left in me. It was one thing to have lost Ivan, my best friend, but to have now not only lost but to be the reason the person I love is dead. My face stays like rock as more and more people enter the church. I hear the muffles and sobs of people around me but there is one amongst all that gets my attention. One that makes my heart shatter and one that makes my guilt more real than ever. Lissa. As rose's bond mate, Lissa will be feeling all the pain in the world, especially after losing her family. In a couple of months, Lissa and Rose should have been graduating, going off into the real world with Rose being an official guardian and protecting Lissa. I continue to watch from the back corner lifeless and blank. My chest feels like it is being shred into a million pieces and pulled out all at the same time.

As the ceremony starts, the priest says a few words and reads a few poems till calling people up as they say a few words. I hear Lissa's eulogy followed by a few other friends including Christian, Eddie, Mia, an extremely drunk Adrian and a couple of more friends I don't really know. Their words full of pain I tune out until someone I hadn't even noticed got up. She strode up there with her shoulders back walking tall and if it wasn't for her eyes field with grief and her red, puffy eyes showing that she had been crying, you wouldn't be able to tell she was just about to give her eulogy at her daughters funeral; Janine. My heart started racing faster and my chest tightened as I listened.

"I always admired rose's courage at such a young age. Rose could be rude and impulsive but her commitment to not only make her best friend Lissa safe but our world a safer and place was something everyone could admire and love."

Everything Janine said was spoken through her guardian mask, lips tight and body stiff, still aware and ready for battle. While talking about Rose however, and the choices she regrets, I notice her guard falter. It was only for a split second but it was there. Rose and her mothers relationship was almost non existent for years. Although I now she always cared about Rose and wanted what was best for her, it was only recently that they started to patch their relationship up.

The rest of Roza's funeral was a blur after that. After everyone started to disperse to head for the burial and before I headed back to my room, I walked over to the coffin lying at the front placing a kiss on my hand and then to the coffin where Roza's body lays. I stand for a moment more before continuing to my room where my last bottle of vodka is sitting and waiting. It was then I knew what I needed to do. I knew I can't keep going like this. The pain and guilt is so bad that putting a life in my hands will not help. So I decided, I'll go talk to Alberta in the morning.