Vampire academy - blood spell

Chapter 3

I never sleep well anymore. But last night I didn't sleep at all. My mind was too pre occupied thinking if the decision I made is the right choice. Questions like what if I'm not welcome and should I be doing this when it is such a fragile time for the academy? But when I think of the alternative, I know it's the best decision.

So as soon as it was time, I made my way over to the head office where I knew Alberta would be. I knocked on the door followed by a response from Alberta's voice telling me to come in. As I opened the door I noticed there was two people in the room and once there was a wide enough opening to the office and my eyes focused I saw Alberta standing talking to Kirova. Suddenly my body became a lot stiffer and tense than is was before.

"Guardian Belikov" Alberta gave me a quick nod. "What brings you here"
"Guardian Petrov, Headmistress Kirova" I wait a few seconds building up my courage. "I wanted to talk to you about leave for a couple of weeks. I thought it would be good to go to Russia and visit my family."
Silence. They both stare at me, shocked I think. "With everything going on, I think it would be best if you stayed for a bit till everything has settled down." It was Alberta who spoke
"Of course, I wouldn't leave for another couple of weeks but now that the academy is secured and the memorial and funerals for all the people we lost have occurred, I don't think it is going to settle down any more. Of course however I'll wait, make sure everyone feels safe and no one thinks I'm running away from something"
"Well are you?" It was Kirova this time.
"Am I what?"
"Running away from something. Because as a guardian, I wouldn't have picked you to leave after this great tragedy"
I look over to Alberta who is standing their patiently, conveying no emotion.
"Of course not. Like I said, I will stay here for another week or so helping out, I know I haven't been around much since the attack but no, I am not running away. I have just been reminded how quickly things can change and how quickly people are taken from us and I thought I should spend some time with my family and in my home town."
"Very well then. I'll let you two discuss some things and we can finish talking about the matter later" with that, Kirova gave a knowing look to Alberta then left and I was left with Alberta who had barely said a word.

"What matter?" I asked her curious to know what they were talking about before I came in.
"Nothing that concerns you just yet" I nod "your still drinking I assume"
"Nothing I can't handle"
"I see" her voice was calm and held sympathy but you could still sense the disapproval. "I was thinking about this a lot but I need to know what the relationship between you and Rose was Dimitri. What's done is done now and I'm not going to say anything or judge you but it's something I need to know."
I took a deep breath and said what came naturally to my lips.
"I loved her"
"And was this feeling mutual or you don't know? I guess what I mean is, did you act on your feelings or kept them to your self"
"The feelings were mutual." That was all I said. I didn't feel the need to go over the details and tell her everything.
"Were these feeling acted upon?"
Still, I didn't feel like elaborating so I let my guard down showing every bit of emotion in my eyes and repeated "I loved her".

After that I think she understood. Maybe not 100% but enough. She agreed to my time off saying that it might be good considering everything that has happened.

Once I reached my room I headed straight for the shower. I quickly shaved and freshened up before heading out to my guardian duties like I should have done long before. On my way out I heard a faint call of my name.
"Guardian Belikov! Wait up" I turned around to find Lissa.
"Princess" I nodded. A wave of guilt came over me as I studied her. Her eyes were read and you could still tell she was overcome with grief. With Rose gone, I should have at least done the right thing and helped her, talked to her at the very least.
"How have you been holding up? I haven't had a chance to see you since the attack, I really wanted to tell you how sorry I am" I attempted holding up my walls to shield away the grief from her sight and to stop myself from telling her I know exactly how she feels.
"Why are you sorry? It's not like it's your fault... " If only she knew. "It's been hard, I started taking the antidepressants again so the darkness wouldn't enhance the grief I was already feeling..." she paused "am feeling. But I've stopped now and just seeing how I go. It's not making a difference to the pain I'm feeling though." A tear escapes her eye and she wipes it away quickly.
"I saw you at her funeral" she states not knowing whether she is just making conversation or if this is what she wanted to speak to me about.  I don't think Rose ever talked about our feelings for each other, including Lissa so I keep my face blank waiting for her to continue.
"I was just thinking, you lost a student, one you spent a lot of time and patience on and I just thought it must be hard on you too you know." I start to feel a bit dazed all of sudden, forgetting all purpose I just had. And just then, my guard falters too. My eyes start to feel slightly wet and a sudden wave of extreme grief and guilt hits me and I am for a moment completely consumed. As quick as the wave comes, I put my walls back up hoping she didn't notice anything.
"No need to worry about me Princess..."
"Lissa!" She interrupted
"Lissa, just focus on yourself, everything is going to be ok"
"Ok, I'll see you around then"

And just like that she was gone. I continued on my way still holding every single one of my emotions, keeping them pushed down to the very bottom although not once forgetting and continuing all the things that come far too natural.