Vampire academy - blood spell

Chapter 7

I went to bed that night forgetting about everything that had happened and actually feeling happier than I have been since the night in the cabin with Rose. My subconscious obviously didn't forget however because as soon as I closed my eyes all the memories flooded back in form of dreams and nightmares. They started off in the shape of dreams. Rose's smile and laugh and that grin she used to get when she was up to something. The way her forehead used to get a tiny crease right in the middle when she was concentrating and worried and the stories I used to tell her about my family in Baia. But like always it comes back to my mistake. The simple and stupid mistake that shouldn't have been made. The simple and stupid mistake that cost Rose her life. The one mistake I will never forget or forgive myself for making.

I woke up and knew it was useless trying to go back to sleep so instead, made my way downstairs to get a glass of water. Wandering into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and went for the tap.
"Couldn't sleep?" a women asked making my body immediately tense up ready for anything. However, almost as quickly as I tensed, I relaxed, recognising the voice I had known all my life.
"No, why are you up?" I asked mama.
"I was just thinking about some stuff"

I took a seat next to her, leaning slightly forward with both hands wrapped around my cup. We sat just like that for a few minutes until she broke the silence.
"Who did you lose?" her voice was full with worry and empathy making it hard to keep everything buried down.
"What makes you think that I lost someone?" I replied evenly and calmly.
"Because I know you, that look you have in your eyes and the way you reacted when you were talking with the others earlier; it all adds up" She paused for a second. "And then Viktoria told me that you were there during the big strigoi attack on that academy. I know that look and that feeling all too well not to recognise it, especially in my own son"

Everything started to come up to the surface, desperate to break free, but as soon as I got a glimpse, the pain and agony came rushing through my body forcing me to push it back down. But when I looked into my mother's eyes again, looked at all that concern and message in her eyes telling me it is ok, I thought maybe it would be good to let a little bit go.

I sighed and put my head into my hands resting on the bench in front of me. I felt tears escape.
"Who was it" She repeated, rubbing one hand on my back still remaining seated.
"It was my fault" I told her. "She shouldn't have died. It's my fault." I saw her mouth start to open to say something but was interrupted by a bang coming from the stairs. My body tensed and my mask slipped on, even when I did see who it was that made the noise.
"Victoria, what are you doing" mama asked her in exasperation.
"I just came down to get a glass of water" the fear in her voice from getting caught snooping was in plain sight on her face but she denied anyways.
"I'm going to get some air" I stated, making it clear I didn't want to be disturbed.
"Dimitri, wait" mama called after me but she knew I wasn't going to change my mind. Before I left the room, I catched a glimpse of the exchange of looks between mama and Viktoria; the fierce look followed by the innocent look from Viktoria. Part of me couldn't help but slightly grin at the way she would never give in that she did the wrong thing. Much like Rose.

I stood on the balcony welcoming the icy air that made my hairs stick up like pin pricks. I wasn't really thinking about anything to be honest, it was just nice to stand there, being revived by the chill and the rush of adrenaline that came with it. It wasn't long after that however before an opening and closing of the door behind me caught my attention. I stood their frozen in place, almost like I didn't notice that mama was standing next to me.

"Did you love her?" She asked. I stood their, too mentally exhausted to answer so she continued.
"The woman you lost, did you love her?". It was silent for a good half a minute before I built up the courage to speak. I looked at my watch; 12:16

"18. She should be turning 18 today. You say ask 'who was the woman', she was definitely a woman, but only just. 17 when she died, should be 18 today. I grinned a little at the thought of her turning 18, before I once again dropped my face into a straight line.
"And you loved her?" I turned my head and looked at her, just looked, no nod, no words, just looked. I turned my head back, I think it was enough.

"You said it was your fault?" She continued. "I know in my heart you would have done everything that you could possibly do plus more," she paused for a moment and turned my head to face her. "To save her. And I know it wasn't your fault."
"It was my mistake. My mistake that killed her . It doesn't matter what I did or did not do after. I made the mistake. I made the mistake and as a result she died. It's my fault she isn't up at the crack of dawn this morning to celebrate her 18th. And it's my fault that her mother and her best friend aren't able to celebrate it with her."
"What was it?" She asked me with her voice so full of sorrow and worry. "What was the mistake you made bad enough that it cost her, her life."
"Rose. Her name way Rose." I wasn't ready to talk about it yet and I think she knew.
"I'm always here if you need to talk Dimitri"
I gave a small nod in her direction before I heard the door behind me open and close again.