The Alpha Must Die

Chapter 19- Before She Dies

Over and over again I question myself. I seem to be broken. All of the things I was against, I now seem to need.

I cried yesterday.

And it felt welcoming. I cried continuously without guilt.

And this may seem like something so simple, but it brings great shame to be seen even remotely weak.

I have brung so much shame to Jake. Ever since the party he threw with Austin around a year ago, where I attacked the random girl. Where I first went to the other dimension, he's been closed off to me.

I wonder if he even wants me around anymore.

He used to say we would be together forever because the only thing we had was each other.

No mom. No dad. Just us.

And I remember leaning on him and feeling safe as I heard him say he would always protect me, even if I didn't need it. but that's what big brothers were for right?

We haven't had a real conversation in a while. I was missing those jokes about my "hideous morning hair" or being pushed off of the roof, to test my agility he'd say.

But it's not only Jake. I trust Brewyn, and I might even start to believe that he's like a father figure, like Alpha John was to me.

I guess when you start to trust your enemies more than you trust your pack or even your family, then your in really deep shit. But when you start to love your enemies, you have to start to wonder about your sanity.

*****

"This is fuchsia?" I asked.

"No! That ones fuchsia, the one your holding is lavender." she corrected angrily. "Its really not that hard."

This was useless. Why did I need to socialize anyways? I could just live my life normally and ignore everyone I pass. It was a safe option.

"Did you live in a cave all your life?" she asked me jokingly while fumbling around with several tops in various shades of pink and purple.

"I like to believe so." I said looking down at my hands. My nails weren't painted, nor we're they glamorous. Not like Marilyn's. Her nails were a colorful explosion of nearly all the colors of the rainbow, topped off with glittering details that were clearly noticeable when she waved.

"Then, welcome to the real world." she said looking back to me with a cheeky smile.

"I know what the real world is." I said slightly angry with myself, as I always am these days. I had been living in the real world for all of my life. It was full of death and untrustworthy people. you had to watch your back every second and remember to forget all the people you've killed.

"Geez, Jaime. Let your guard down. Live a little will you?" Marilyn said throwing a silver and light blue shirt into the air. She grabbed the whole stack she had selected and threw them into the air. "Come on!" she said grabbing the clothes off the floor and throwing them up into the air again with a little dance.

"Stop! We'll get in trouble!" I whisper yelled grabbing a shirt that fell on my face and throwing it at the mirror.

"Jaime! Relax." she said tossing me a pair of red jeans forcefully.

"Marilyn."

"Jaime."

I groaned and walked out of the crowded changing room. How did I ever get myself into such a mess? All I did was agree to go perfume shopping with the girl I ran into yesterday in the hallways. It seemed sane. That's all I ever did. I thought the luminescent lights of the mall would do me good. All I've been doing is hanging around the sun and the moonlight when I go on long runs to calm myself.