The Essence Of Love

Cloudy Skies

"Essence, my beautiful blessing from God. You're full of beauty,light,and grace. If only you truly knew how my soul loves you. Don't you ever forget these words. Don't give up on your dreams, your sisters, true love and most importantly on yourself. You must keep going NO MATTER WHAT. You may feel you need a fresh start, but don't you EVER give up on Essence Jhene Adeyemi. May your life be filled with happiness from God's hand over you. I love you baby girl."

My body jerks awake in another strange bed. I'm drenched in a cold sweat with a terrible migraine. I frantically look around the room not recognizing where I am. I then realize Rico is lightly snoring next to me. I stare at him as his eyelids flutter in his sleep. He's even handsome while sleeping. I watch his bare chest rise and descend slowly. I then realize my girls are sprawled out on his floor on a palette of comforters and blankets.

My girls were sleeping on the floor for me and at the house of a guy they barely know. If I ever had doubt that they were real, this proved me wrong ,because we definitely weren't the type to sleep on anybody's floor.

I rub my temples and take a deep breath while replaying mommy's words in my head. I begin to sob uncontrollably and Rico stirs awake.

"I'm—I'm sorry." I whisper in between sobs.

He sits up and rubs my back as I bury my wet face into his chest.

"It's ok."

He let me cry while slowly running his hand through my hair. I look up at him and his eyes are closed.

"You'll be aight ma. You just gotta keep goin." He says without opening them. We eventually fall back asleep.

***

"I'm going for a walk yall. I need some air." Skye announces, a few hours later, as we were eating breakfast at Rico's breakfast nook.

"OK" They reply to her dryly. I just continue playing with my scrambled eggs in a daze.

Rico nods his head and continues loading the dish washer. "What time you going to talk to the detective bae?" He asks me. Elle and Mani looked up at me with half smiles after hearing the word bae.

"Never." I reply as my phone begins to ring and my dad's picture flashes on the screen.

"Fuck you!" I yell, throwing my phone across the kitchen, it shatters against the island base.

"Oh Ess." Elle says as she scrambled to pick it up.

"Fuck that motherfucker too." I mumble as everyone stares at me.

"Don't stare at me!" I fuss.

Skye shakes her head and continues outside. Mani get's up and walksout the kitchen.  Elle sits my phone down and reaches over and grabs my hands from across the table. Holding eye contact with me she begins to tear up. I just stare at her emotionless. I have no tears left right now.

"Essence." She starts.

"Yes?" I reply, bored with this convo already.

"Tell me what you need love." I snatch my hands away startling her. I get up and walk out the back door.

I close the sliding door and began to let out multiple screams of desperation from deep down.

"Fuck the universe! Fuck God, fuck every fucking thing!" I yell.

I grab a shovel that was nearby and began beating one of the cement columns with it letting out my frustration and screaming random curse words.

"Fuck my stupid life!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

When it snapped in half I started kicking the column with all I had. Rico rushes outside and bear hugs me from behind and I thrash around crazily trying to get out of his hold.

"NIGGA GET OFF OF ME! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I HATE EVERY FUCKING BODY! THEY TOOK HER FROM ME! JUST LET ME GO! UHHHHGGGGG!" I scream and fight.

I accidentally punch him in the nose him and he instantly lets me go. I turned around and see blood everywhere, but I just stand there breathing heavily, staring him down like a crazed maniac.

He stares back at me with a blank expression holding his nose. Mani and Elle rush outside and watch with their hands over their mouths.

"Essence wha--"

"What did you do to her?"

Rico held his hands up in defense shaking his head. I feel like I'm possessed and I'm sure I looked the part. I know my hair is all over my head, blood is on his T-shirt that I have on with just boy shorts underneath, and my eyes feel puffy.

"Are you done?" He asks calmly. I don't  say anything. I just slowly squat down trying to get my breathing under control.

"Yes." I finally get out. Mani and Elle came over and pull me into a tight hug.

"Oh God boo, it's gonna be ok"

"We got you sis."

A few hours later I was down at the police station speaking with detective Stagger. He's a bald middle aged white man with a freckled face and stank breath. I was freezing to death in this small ass room nauseous as hell and ready to go.

"Do you know anyone who would want to harm your--"

"How was she killed?" I interrupt him.

"The official autopsy report hasn't come back yet, but we believe she may have been strangled." He takes a sip of his coffee. Too bad it wasn't peppermint flavored.

"No I --I don't." I answered holding back tears and my breath.

"So she didn't have any jealous friends or--"

"I said I don't know! Damn!" I yell.

" I think that's enough for today detective." Our family lawyer Mrs. Sarai says, flipping her blonde faux locs over her shoulder. We had been going around and around for about an hour now.

"Sure, we'll keep in touch then." Detective Stagger says. Sarai nods and shakes his hand as I roll my eyes at him and we exit the room.

"How are you holding up baby girl? I saw it all over your face, I know that this is too much for you." Mrs. Sarai asks sincerely. She's known me since I was 5. She's a pretty light skinned woman with hazel eyes in her late 50's.

"I'm--I'm not really holding up, I don't know what to do right now. I'm in a fog." I say as we walk through the parking lot.

"Do you want to come stay with me for a while? I know your not speaking to your father I--" She turns to me, grabbing my hands softly.

"No, its ok Mrs.Sarai , thank you though I'll manage." I fake a smile.

"I know your lying and I'll back off for now, but you better use my number any  time you need to , you hear me?" She orderes as she pulled me into a hug.

"Yes ma'am." I sniffle. She leads me to her car where she hands me a Nordstrom bag full of clothes, a Dior gift box and a Sephora bag filled to the top with goodies , she's always spoiling me like an auntie.

"Oh my goodness Ms. Sarai, thank you!I sniffle.

"You know how I do love, take care ok." She smiles and we embrace.

I grab my phone to text Rico as I walk back to my car and let him know I was going to Chick Fil A ,and then I'd be on my way back to his place, but I stopped as realized I had 4 missed calls and 2 messages from him. The first message said that Skye never came back from her walk.