The Essence Of Love

Straight Up to My Face

"OK, Essence, you have to calm down." I tell myself outloud like a weirdo. Im in the handicapped stall in the women's restroom pacing back and forth. What the hell did I do wrong for everything to come crashing down on me at once?  I mean I barely made it through this week, but let's just add Rico to the mix , what could it possibly hurt right? Wrong!

  "Essence, you OK in here?" Amira snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Yea, I'm sorry, I got kind of dizzy all of a sudden." I lie.

"Well, I know you've been going through it all week, your so strong though , and your trying to be there for me as well, so I'm really grateful for you and I'm happy that we met." She says.

"Awww, I'm glad we met too, it's gonna be OK we got this." I lie angrily as I open the stall door.

"You wanna take my keys and head to the car? I need to talk to Rico really quick." I ask.

"Sure, I'll be waiting." She gives a weak smile as she exits.

  I turn the opposite direction and try to think about what I'm going to say to his lying ass. I near his room just as Rhia was slamming the door closed and headed in the other direction. I take a deep breath and open the door.

" 'Sup baby, you back?" He greets me as he ends a phone call.

"Yep." I say dryly as I sit on the bench next to him and he smirks.

"Is Amira doing OK?"

"Yep." I tap my foot on the floor anxiously.

He sucks his teeth.

"She must've gave a nigga up huh?" He asks. I cock my head wondering how he knew , but then decided to play dumb.

"What are you talking about?" I ask dramatically.

"You just left to catch up with Amira right?"

"Yeaaaa sooo?"

"OK soooo I'm guessing she's the reason you got a stank ass attitude."

"OK fine, Rico you got it, I wanna know why you lied to me , because now I don't know if I can trust--."

"Nah, fuck that! You not about to give me some bullshit speech about how you wanna leave a nigga because you deserve better and shit , I AM better!Since you know who I am now, you should know what I can do for you. I lied to protect--"

"NOOOO! Nahh playboy, you don't get to tell me shit because you're a liar who sells drugs for a living and I don't care about why you did it , and I definitely don't need you to do anything for me!" I snap.

"Maaan , I don't sell shit but I am a boss ass nigga out here, shit, a fuckin' King to some, so yea, some shit I can't just blurt out during our first week together. I was waiting until the timing was right!" He argues back, I shake my head , avoiding eye contact.

"Whatever Rico, it doesn't matter because I'm done." I mumble, staring past him, out the window.

"Aight , come say that to my face if you really mean it then." He dares. I smack my lips, snatch up my bag and head for the door.

"ESSENCE!" His deep voice booms throughout the small room, my heart literally skips a beat. I stand still with my hand shaking on the doorknob as the tears start. 

"I ca--can't Rico." I whimper.

"Come on baby. You know we better than this shit. Just tell me what you want me to do." He begs. I sigh and slowly turn to walk back towards his side.

"I just can't, I don't fit into your kind of lifestyle, and I have so much going on in my life right now, I'm just tired, a bitch is still human , and my life is literally tearing me apart inside, can't you see that?" I weep as his face twists up angrily.

"Aight , you right, so I'm done with yo ass." He says coldly as he struggles to get out of bed and face me.

"Rico I--"

"Nahh, get the fuck out my face!" He yells.

I instinctively raise my hand to slap his ass for talking to me like that but he puts a death grip on my wrist and pushes me back. I stumble a little but catch myself.

"You fucking asshole!" I cry.

"Stop that crying shit, This is what you want , so fuck whatever feelings I had for your ass , you want to give up on a real ass nigga who had your damn back, you ain't real ma, you just another boujee ass broad who wasted my damn time , so get yo fake, unloyal ass out my damn room!" He yells.

BEEEEEP BEEEP BEEEEP

The monitors started to chime loudly as his heart rate increases.

"Rico , who are yo--"

"Fuck you, Essence! I swear to God it's taking everything in me not to snatch your ass up right now, get the fuck out!" He yells furiously, the pain and anger in his eyes confirm that I just broke his heart.

I just broke a real nigga's heart.

Wow.

"Everything ok in here?"

A nurse walks in.

"Nah, fuck that bitch!"

Two other nurses rush in as I walk backwards. He continues to yell at me as they try to calm him down and a wave of emotions overtake me. I finally back all the way out and began to power walk towards the nearest exit as the commotion fades in .

Oh yea, I'm officially about to lose it.