Psychopathology

Lady Charm

The way I look at you is like trying to catch all the stars in the galaxy, just to show a fraction of how brightly you light my heart up. The only thing is my galaxy has no stars because my demons of the past has devoured them all.

"Well, from what others told me, she was pretty intimidating," Agent Red remarked.

Then it hit me. "She was pretty big now that I remembered. She literally man handled the victim," I remarked. But was I right? I was sure I was just affected by memory impairment the more I thought about it. I was so focused on his weapon, I accepted what Agent Red said about the suspect; I mean how else could she have man handled another male? It was clear I was being affected by misinformation acceptance. However, the idea of the suspect being big and intimidating came to mind so easily, maybe it wasn't wrong. Processing fluency now began to take a hold of me, specifically retrieval fluency. It all came to memory too quick, though maybe it was false.

After about two hours later of inner conflict I found myself driving back to the base to go over further work. While driving, my phone began to ring. I looked over and noticed my brother was calling. I quickly connected it to my Bluetooth.

"Giovanni, what's up. How was the exam?" I asked.

"A piece of cake bro. No doubt I'm going to be an officer like you someday," he replied.

"Ha, that's awesome. I'm proud of you. Listen, I'm driving so I'll call you when I'm back at the office ok."

"No problem, stay safe bro," Giovanni replied as he hung up the phone.

"10-4," I said as I closed the phone. Wait, did I say "10-4?". It was an action slip that I did too often both in and out of work. I was always in a working mood I guess you could say. When I got to the office the talk around town was the hijack incident. Constant people came up to me and asked what happened. I even saw a crowd gather around Mike and Michael, M and M, the two officers that thought they were the shit. Only shit they were was the shit up their ass. They were at the scene, and seemed to be bragging even though the criminal got away. Seeing them made me angry, which made my body react. Seeing people I dislike= me being angry which = an reaction, the common sense theory (though we all knew that wasn't how it really worked). I could feel my sympathetic system go to work, as my breathing increased, my lungs began to enlarge as well as my heart rate beginning to race. I had to come up with a solution quick, and just began smiling as I passed by.

"John, come in and join us."

I stopped and looked over, only to notice it was Mike.

"Nah, I'm good," I said as I continued on, still smiling like a fool. I hated those guys. Three minutes passed by and I began to feel better again, all thanks to facial feedback. As I was sitting, I could feel my heart rate go back to normal and my breathing slow down. My parasympathetic system was kicking in. Thirty minutes into doing some paperwork at my desk, Bob the blob, my fellow co-worker came up to me.

"John, we have some new evidence," Bob said while breathing heavy with grease marks all over his face, sounding like he just ran a twenty-mile marathon.

"What's up?" I asked.

"The hijacker apparently had hazel eyes," Bob replied.

"Ok, that narrows it down to like two million people," I replied.

"No except he has like this red bloodshot line going down his right eye."

"That's weird," I paused. "That could really help." How could I have misread that? I did see the hijacker, but the scene was a sensory overload, I had saccades between the cops around, the gunman and the victim, and my only fixations were on the gun and surrounding cops. I failed at something I was supposed to be good at once again.

"Yep, hopefully we catch the son of a bitch huh," Bob remarked, his breathing only getting heavier.

"Yeah, and Bob, please exercise more, you sound like you're gonna get a heart attack."

Bob just walked off, giving me his death stare, the one he gives his donuts every morning at Dunkin Donuts before he comes in. I don't know how he got the job in his current shape, I guess he was healthier at the time he was hired. Bob made me think about everything I witnessed at the scene, but all I could remember was the gun, people talking, and the look on the victim's face. It was clear my span of apprehension was lacking. I figured the best thing to do was move on. As I got up to use the bathroom and get my mind off things a huge flash came before my eyes, causing my orienting reflex to kick in and my pupils to dilate.

"You good there, I hope you're not drunk or anything on the job," Michael said as he laughed and walked off. He was referencing a drinking problem I had years ago.

"Such a dick," I whispered under my breath as he walked off. He used to flash a red beam at me, but my habituation became more and more noticeable. I guess he switched to a flashlight to get a better reaction out of me. I continued on with my paper work while the office became more and more rowdy and as Mike and Michael continued exaggerating. It was amazing I was able to filter everything out and focus on my work at times. The noise level eventually became too much after a while and I decided to go out on my break. While walking out, the chatter became more and more unbearable, where any sound caused my head to hurt. I felt a migraine coming. I began to completely tune out everything till I heard my name.

"John," the voice called.

I quickly turned around. It seems my effort to ignored everything was squashed by the cocktail party effect.

"That's me," I said as I noticed who it was. My eyes dilated. It was beautiful Sue. She's a frequent visitor who uses her beauty to run scams. Her sweet personality and looks always got guys to trust her. She mostly targets those richer old man who have a history of abusing women and conning other people. She used most of her stolen goods in her donation to those who were worse off, she was the female robin hood.

"Sue, hello," I said smiling, focusing mainly on her frame in her tight yellow dress.

"It's been too long," She said smiling.

"I know; I hope you're staying out of trouble. I'm loving the yellow dress too by the way," I flirted.

"First off, of course I've been scam free and second of all, it's bright green," she said as she brushed my coat. Ah, bright green, my colorblindness once again worked against me in my efforts to flirt. I remember going to the doctor years ago and finding out it was due to some mutations in the genes of my long, middle and short wavelength sensitive cones. Basically my cones were one of the main reasons for my vision deficiencies.

She then grabbed my hand as she took me outside.

"Follow me," she said, as she looked back and smiled.