Anorexia - My Story (Fiction)

Am I back?

It's been almost a year since I posted a chapter for this story.

Writer's block at its finest, to be honest.

This story was meant to be finished in the couple months after I started it.

2 years later...

I don't have the courage to finish it. However, I have been active on Wattpad for a couple weeks now. I love this app so much for letting me read stories for hours and let me get away from reality for a short amount of time.
But still no inspiration to finish this. Im sorry to the thirty-ish people who read this whole story.

This was so under thought and under planned that finishing it would just seem like a chore. And I started this just for fun. I had no intent of it getting 833 reads as of today.

Shoot, I was happy with just maddy reading this. Love ya girl. I hope you still have this app downloaded and you're getting this notification that I updated. Finally.

Anyways, I had this draft saved from a while ago and I have now decided to share it with you. To whoever remembers that this still exists. 

Who knows if I will ever have the courage to finish this story, or if I will start completely over with another one.

Or if I will even write at all, but I hope I will.

Enjoy this chapter:)

I cry, my hands holding my mother's body.

My hands shake as I lower her to the ground after i had seen her.

A red substance covers my hands, her head and the floor,

Nothing.

She lay limp, my head exploding from my anxiety.

The blood, my hands, the wall, my mother, my fault.. my fault.. MY FAULT.

I'm getting pulled away. No. No.

I pull loose and run. I jump.

The body weight seems lifted and for a second I feel calm,

The cool air brushes against my skin as the whole world fades away.

The words on the page start to turn into mush as my tears hit the surface. I sit on my bed bawling my eyes out like an idiot. 'my fault.. my fault.. MY FAULT.'

I rip the paper in half and shred it into what feels like a million pieces.

It was a dream I had once.

The dream was of me trying to save my mother from committing suicide but each time I would always lose her. How vivid the dream is scares me every time.

I'm up on a cliff, overseeing beautiful woods in the spring. My mother had wanted to go there to see the view. We drive there when we can to spend time with each other on weekends. She pulls the car over in the grass and we get out, she slams the door. In the trunk we get our basket for a picnic we prepared, and when I'm getting it, I look at my mother with curious eyes. She's looking down at her hands and thinking something throughly. I pass this hint by and continue to get the basket and shut the back trunk. I walk ahead of my mom to get to the spot we always go to when she is sober. She walks slowly, in her only summer dress that falls about mid-thigh, a pretty pale pink color that suits her tan skin tone. Her sandals matching perfectly and her hair in a bun on the back of her head. She keeps it off her face and it always brings out her eyes. Her eyes are a perfect dark green color. Every time she smiles or laughs the color lightens up, but it only comes out every once in awhile.