Because he loved him..

3. Despair

'You broke the promises, you forgot my existence.'

Only one word struck with me. It echoed in my head.

Loved?

It almost crumbled my will. I wanted to shout, to tell it all.

I still love you, Sam! I never stopped loving you and I never will!

I almost did too but then I remembered and shook that thought out of my head.

I would not endanger his his life. He was better off hating me! They were all better off hating me! Sam, father, Mrs. Clay! all of them!

I winced, only then becoming aware of his proximity to me. I shook my head to get his hands off my cheeks and pushed him.

When that didn't work, I voiced the meanest things I could think of.

"It's like you said, I only care about money. I never loved you!"

The traitorous voices in my heart were screaming at him not to believe that bullshit.

I was exhausted; both emotionally and physically and I just wanted to go back home. Yet, a part of me also wanted him to just keep holding me like this forever.

He looked like he didn't believe me but after a few seconds, the cold eyes from earlier were back and he leered.

"Well, that's easily solved. Even I can pay you now." He replied, leaning down on me.

"......."

What?

Pay me?

Pay me for what?

What did he mean?

I frowned at him. Somehow, it made him angrier and he let my head go.

I barely managed to break my fall using my elbow awkwardly which slipped and I fell on the floor again.

I winced and tried to get up but he started fumbling with the buttons of my shirt. I just looked at him, stunned as he tore through the buttons of my shirt.

"Wha----?" I began to ask.

He growled and cut me off.

When he started unbuckling my belt, I felt my blood freeze. I started hyperventilating though I wished I could stop breathing.

I didn't want to draw any more attention of this----There was something very animalistic about his demeanour.

It terrified me. I had never been this scared. My body started shaking, my face grew hot and my heart felt like it wanted to run out of my body.

It was horror and pain, all rolled into one sick amalgam. I was panicking when he leaned down on me.

No!

I screamed inside my head but no voice came out. I brought my already bruised hands up to stop him.

He easily pulled them up and pinned them above my head.

He had always been the brawny one.

I felt so exposed and vulnerable. Even though this was Sam. Sam; who I trusted more than anyone else in this world; whose embrace always made me feel safe.

He was my escape from the expectations of being the model child. He was the one who shielded me from everyone's scrutiny.

This was irony at it's merciless best.