Because he loved him..

12. Regret

*Karim's Point of View*

Some days, I hated myself. Eventually, the world turned me into the monster I never wanted to be.

I never asked to be born as the heir to this criminal syndicate. I wanted to study, fall in love, have a normal life but my father expected me to follow in his footsteps.

I rebelled and married a devout Christian girl, Myra Homes. The village's priest, Springfield tried to convince her not to marry me but we were in love.

We persisted and got married. My dad was furious when he found out about it but when my younger brother happily took up the syndicate's mantle, he calmed down a bit.

Soon, we were blessed with Arlo and he quickly became our world.

It was Arlo's first birthday and father and Myra were returning from the market after shopping.

They were on the main gate when some rogue members of our rival gang opened fire on them and killed the both of them in front of my own eyes.

Their funeral was held in the village church and the priest very vocally made it clear that it was all my fault.

I became obsessed with hunting them down. After a year of eradicating more than half of the members of the rival gang, they were surrendered to me.

After killing them, I became the leader my dad always wanted me to be and my brother got relegated to being the second in command.

He started resenting me and since the duties of syndicate kept me occupied, Arlo suffered too.

It broke my hardened heart to see Arlo learning to take care of his own.

I wanted someone to be there for him but I couldn't bear the thought of bringing a stepmother for him.

Besides, I didn't think I had enough heart in me to love anyone anymore.

It all changed when I saw Arlo with Amay at the church and I asked my boys to investigate him. I had never seen Arlo that happy with anyone else except me.

Hope filled me. I planned to employ the boy as a caregiver for Arlo but when I was told that he was the son of pastor Springfield and that he was gay; hatred rose in me like a dormant snake waiting to strike.

So, I planned to get him married to me by blackmailing him. I wanted the priest to feel pain and it was so ironic that his own son would aid in the process.

I had expected some resistance from the boy but he was incurably selfless.

With time, he started growing on me with his demure ways and playfulness with Arlo.

When his dad insulted him, I saw fire in my eyes. I wanted to kill that wretch but Amay never complained.

His urge to protect them was so strong that he was willing to be hated by them. It filled me with guilt and envy. When had I become so twisted?

I wanted him to say something, to try to escape, do something but he had accepted it like his fate.

One day, I heard from him telling Arlo about the school and ordered Ray to see that it was completed.

When he thanked me that day, I knew I was in love again. I wanted to kiss him, make love to him but I saw his promise ring and it reminded me of the way I had tricked him into marrying me.

I hated myself and took it out on him. He seemed shaken but went out.

I made it a point to spend less time around him so that I wouldn't do anything rash to him but it only made me think more of him.

I would return late at night to find Arlo cuddling with him. I would just watch them sleeping peacefully till my own eyes started drooping.

They were the most cherished things in my life. I wanted to protect them from everything and provide them anything their hearts desired.

I had to leave for a placatory meeting with the rival gang and Ray called me in the middle of the negotiations to tell me that 'my toy' was seen near the hotel in the town.

I didn't believe him at first but I told Ray to find him and tried to focus on the negotiations.

No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't concentrate and ended up insulting their chief and storming out of the meeting.

When I reached the hotel, Ray pushed a struggling, dishevelled Amay in the car.

He went back to find about the person Amay went to meet but told me that the room was empty and the guy occupying it must have fled.

I felt betrayed and angry. How dare he hookup with other men? He was cheating on me and he was denying it too when anyone could see it from the condition of his clothes.

Even, his lips were swollen and it filled me with distilled rage to find him like that.

We returned home and I saw that he was missing his promise ring. It shocked me more than anything. I couldn't believe it. It made me so angry that I forced myself upon him.

I regretted that night with every part of my being. He kept sobbing throughout it.

Nobody deserved that. The feeling of betrayal didn't leave me for a while and now I even had guilt to contend with.

Amay had stopped smiling, he barely ate for a week and would cower in fear everytime he would see me. I never hated myself more.

With time, Arlo started spending time with him and tried to get him out of the room.

He even started eating regularly but the brilliant light in his eyes had dimmed considerably.

He walked with the shards of a broken spirit and I felt responsible.

The school principal told me about the officers' visit and how he convinced a reluctant Amay into going to the city.

It didn't explain the state of his clothes. Did the officer try to assault Amay? Did someone else meet him there?

There were so many questions and Amay wasn't talking. Regret consumed my being.

Gathering enough courage, I went to Arlo's room where Amay would spend his evenings. When Amay saw me, he visibly tensed.

I went over to Arlo and asked him if he could ask his da to forgive me.

Arlo squinted his eyes at me and told me that hitting people is wrong and that I should apologise to da myself.

Amay's eyes were widened in surprise and he seemed to be curling on in himself.

When I looked him in his eyes and asked him if he could find it in his heart to forgive me, tears appeared in his eyes.

What was I even thinking? There is no forgiveness for some things. There could only be repentance.

Arlo made me hold my ears and apologise again. Amay broke into a watery smile and I knew that I had a long way to go but perhaps things could still work out.

*There! Now, you know Karim's story too! *