Phan Oneshots

You're Pregnant?!

Words: 1068
Summary: In which Phil gives Dan a Christmas card that makes him think Phil is pregnant, but really they just got a new dog.
Warnings: none!
A/N: I wrote this in 20 minutes in class, please appreciate me. Special thanks to for giving me this gorgeous prompt! This was written for the ! Also you're all super lucky because I'm posting another fic tomorrow so you're gonna have a bunch of christmas presents xD Also, happy Hanukkah! If you celebrate that holiday then consider this your hanukkah present and make sure to eat a lot of latkes for me thx

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As Christmas was growing nearer, Dan was getting unnecessarily antsy. He had absolutely no idea as to what he was going to get Phil and it was making his head turn in the worst possible ways.

See, the thing about Phil was that he deserved the absolute best. Dan wanted to give him the world, but sadly the world was probably a little bit more than just expensive, so he had to settle on a few gifts that weren't quite as good but would more than definitely sustain Phil's attention. He ended up getting him a record player, which Phil had been complaining about wanting for a long time, along with a few Muse albums and a Radiohead album.

He was happy with it and it would most definitely do, even if Dan wanted to buy his boyfriend so much more than just a record player and some records. But Phil was happy with it and that's all that mattered. As soon as Phil tore the wrapping paper off, his eyes lit up like a light and he was grinning so widely that Dan was sure it was going to split his face in two.

"Thank you, Dan!" Phil exclaimed, and then he was in Dan's arms, kissing him sweetly while Dan absolutely melted in his touch. His lips were warm and familiar and Dan would never get used to the way Phil Lester's kisses made him feel.

When he pulled away, Dan tried his hardest not to complain about it; how could he not when Phil was so warm and soft against him? But then Phil was grappling behind him, pulling out a simple white envelope. He shoved it in Dan's hands and Dan noticed that he was practically quivering in his shoes. If Phil had a tail, it would probably be wagging erratically.

"What's this?" Dan asked in amusement, raising his eyebrows.

Phil rolled his eyes and gestured wildly to it. "Just open it, it's the best present you'll ever receive."

Dan just shook his head with a slight smile and started to tear it open. He was a bit skeptical, admittedly. How was the best present ever concealed in this envelope? The quizzical feeling only grew when he pulled out a simple Christmas card with a dog wearing a santa hat on the front.

"A Christmas card," Dan said dumbly.

Phil scoffed and shoved him, teasing. "Just open it already, you dork."

So Dan listened to him because who didn't listen to Phil? When the card opened, Dan nearly shit his pants. Right there, in Phil's glaring handwriting, was written,

'Might as well just change your name to 'dad' because you're going to be a father! Merry Christmas, Dan!'

Dan sat frozen for a moment, the card gripped so tightly in his hands that his knuckles were turning white and the paper was crinkling ever so slightly. His heart was pounding in his chest and he didn't quite know what to think. Dan was going to be a father? What did that even mean? His eyes flickered upwards and he stared suspiciously at Phil's stomach.

"You're pregnant?" he asked dumbly. How could Phil be pregnant? They were both boys and it wasn't exactly like Phil had bottomed any time in the past few months. All of those weird mpreg fics were filling Dan's mind, though, and he was suddenly questioning if he'd stepped into a different dimension where boys could get pregnant and maybe that was actually possible.

Phil's eyes widened and his eyebrows shot up into his fringe with surprise. He doubled over in laughter, gasping for breath and clutching his stomach. Dan didn't know what Phil was laughing about because this was a very serious moment for them, especially if Phil somehow did get a child from somewhere. "No, Dan, I'm not pregnant."

"Then where did you get a child? I don't think you'd adopt one without talking to me about it? Did you find it on the curb or something?" Dan twisted his head around, looking for any signs of a baby. God, they were so not ready for a baby! They didn't even have a spare room set up for it or any diapers or food! "Where the fuck did you store a child by itself without me knowing?"

By this point, Phil was laughing so hard that there were actual tears welling in his eyes, and his face was bright red from lack of breath. Dan still didn't know what was so funny. "Dan, Dan, no!" he finally gasped out. He took in a few deep breaths and leaned in to give Dan a chaste kiss on the lips. "Just- God, you're my favourite."

Dan glared at him and crossed his arms. "Just spit it out already, I'm extremely concerned for the wellbeing of our future child."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Phil stood from the couch and tugged Dan up with him. He didn't say anything, just dragged Dan to the office. Dan was horribly confused. Was Phil keeping a child in the fucking office? Right before Phil opened the door, he tossed Dan a grin. "I love you," Phil said quietly just as he shoved open the door.

Dan didn't have any time to process what was going on before a furry black ball was bursting out of the door and barrelling into Dan's legs. He let out a surprised noise as he took a few steps backwards, gaping down at the dog attacking his legs. Upon closer inspection, it was a little black Shiba Inu with orange eyebrows and a little pink tongue that was excitedly poking out of its muzzle.

"A dog!" Dan exclaimed. "A dog?!" he said once again, much more confused.

Phil giggled and swooped down, picking up the puppy and holding it next to his grinning face. "Meet our new son!" The dog licked Phil's cheek and Phil's face brightened even more. "Merry Christmas, dad!'

The disbelief of the situation finally got to Dan and he burst into laughter, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair. "You're the worst person in the world," Dan told his boyfriend affectionately. But he couldn't help himself when he enveloped Phil (and the dog) in a hug, pressing a sloppy kiss to Phil's lips.

When they pulled away, Phil was beaming. "So? What are you gonna name him?"

Dan chuckled and replied, "Dogye West."