Phan Oneshots

You're a Roller Coaster

Summary: Phil goes to an amusement park with his friends but ends up having to ride a roller coaster with a stranger because he's the third wheel.
Warnings: cursing, mentions of nausea
Word Count: 2325
A/N: Thanks to bubblepoppingsound  on tumblr for this prompt! I've been having a bit of trouble with writers block recently so hopefully this will satisfy you guys until I can get something a bit longer out!

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Phil didn't mind being the third wheel typically. He knew that he wasn't nearly as loud as his friends were when it came to conversation. He was much more of a listener than a talker, sometimes not really knowing what kinds of words to say that could possibly explain his plethora of thoughts.

He didn't mind being the third wheel, because being the third wheel didn't mean that his friends didn't care for him or wanted to purposefully leave him out. He knew for a fact that his friends loved him just as much as he loved them, that they would probably die for him if they had to. In fact, his two best friends, Gabii and Maggie, had declared him as their very own Lesbian Father for putting up with public displays of affection and for not holding it against them when they accidentally ignored him in favour of each other's company.

So yeah. Phil didn't mind. He was glad he could be a lesbian father. It felt right in a way that things often didn't. He liked to proudly stand to the side, applauding Gabii and Maggie as they kissed in public, occasionally telling onlookers that those were his gays. Right there! Being all happy and shit! He loved his gays.

However, there were moments that it absolutely sucked being a single, adoptive father of two.

For example, it really sucked when people were stuck in their heteronormative ways and thought that he was the one dating one of the girls and not the other way around. It really sucked when people asked him how the hot threesomes were. But most importantly, it really sucked when the three of them went to an amusement park together and Phil had to ride by himself on the majority of the rides because he only had two friends and he wasn't that dick bag who would dare to tear apart a good couple of gays.

"Sorry, Phil," Maggie whined, pouting her cherry red lip at him. She tightened her arm around Gabii's waist despite the fact that they were both horribly sweaty from being outside. "I really hate making you ride with someone random."

Phil shrugged his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair, grimacing at the wetness on his forehead. He could feel his face practically baking in the sun and had no doubt that he was going to have a hideous sunburn on his face, the imprint of sunglasses perfectly atop his nose. "It's really not a big deal," he assured his friends. And it wasn't a big deal. He was just antisocial. "Having to ride with a random person here and there doesn't make the amusement park any less fun, I promise."

They were currently in line for one of the biggest roller coasters in the park, one with a giant drop and twists and turns. Phil was also pretty sure that it went upside down as well, despite the fact that Gabii had assured him that it didn't. He was a pretty big wimp when it came to rides, but normally he could hold it in. His nerves were running thin from the last roller coaster, though, something that went from zero to one hundred in like three seconds or something horrible like that. Phil typically didn't feel like crying after a ride, but that one was on thin fucking ice.

"We need to set you up with someone," Gabii sighed. Her eyeliner was smudged at the corners of her eyes, like it was trying to melt off of her face. There was a black streak on her cheek. Nobody told her. "A roller coaster buddy. Kind of like a friend with benefits except the benefit is just riding roller coasters with you."

Phil snorted and Maggie kissed Gabii's cheek, smiling widely and murmuring a soft, "you're so smart babe, that's exactly what it's like."

They lined up in the queue, only a ride or two away from their imminent deaths, Phil holding back for a moment as he scanned his eyes over the crowd. He always hated this part, the searching that came with a third wheel, trying to find someone who would ride with him. He knew that he didn't have to find someone to ride with him, that he could go alone, but Phil was a giant wimp and would probably shit himself otherwise, so he did what he had to do.