Phan Oneshots

Nobody, Not Even the Rain

Summary: Dan is fine. It's what he's told himself all along. Even though it hurts when he has sex with his boyfriend, even though he shakes for no reason at all; he's fine. He's happy. But when he meets Phil, he learns about respect, trust, and how a relationship is truly supposed to be like. Most of all, he learns that maybe he's not doing so well after all.
Word Count: 14673
Warnings: Sexual abuse (rape, noncon, painful sex), abusive relationship (emotional and physical), smut, angst (happy ending), recovery, hurt/comfort, implied PTSD, cheatingIt hurt. Dan didn't know how he got into this situation in the first place, but he knew it hurt and he wondered why he stayed despite of it all.

-

Dan's eyes were glued to the ceiling, wide and unblinking, and sweat plastered his hair to his forehead. He could feel his fists clenching at his sides, gripping the white sheets of his bed until his knuckles turned white and his lips were burning from his teeth biting harshly into the skin. There were tears stinging behind his eyes but he tried to keep them in. He couldn't let them fall, he just couldn't. There was a disgusting feeling in his stomach, one where he wasn't sure if he wanted to scream or if he wanted to throw up. He didn't do either, instead swallowing his emotions and squeezing his eyes shut.

Whenever Dan and Jake had sex, it always hurt. Every. Single. Time. Dan never knew anything else, honestly. Jake was Dan's first time and he never bothered to prepare Dan properly, never really cared if he was in pain or if he was feeling good. Dan never said anything about it either. If he did, Jake would no doubt get mad at him.

With one last thrust, Dan was swallowing a whine in his throat, wincing at the sharp pain running through his abdomen, and then Jake was coming, groaning loudly before rolling off of Dan. He gave Dan a pointed look. "Get dressed," he ordered. "My parents are going to be home in ten minutes."

Dan never even reached his own orgasm.

Instead of complaining, he moved to sit up, grimacing at the pain that ran down his back with the movement. He could hear the slap of metal as Jake did up his buckle while Dan gingerly pulled up his own boxers and jeans. He kept his eyes down as he finished dressing. He felt disgusting, like he needed a shower, and the way Jake was pushing him out of the door was making him feel nauseous.

He felt like Jake was ashamed of him, like he only used him to get off and Dan was just a useless sex toy. Jake wouldn't even kiss him goodbye and then the door was closed, slammed in front of Dan's face, and Dan was left to shiver in the front yard as snow was falling around him.

He had forgotten his damn jacket inside of Jake's house.

Instead of knocking on the door, he decided to just say fuck it and began the trek to his house, which was only about a fifteen minute walk. Either way, that was fifteen minutes of limping due to the sharp pain in his ass as well as shivering from the cold temperature. How pathetic that he didn't even have a boyfriend who cared for his own well-being?

But that's what he deserved, he supposed. After being in a relationship with Jake for over a year, it's not like Dan could do any better and it's not like he could just up and leave for no good reason. That was alright. He could deal with it.

He was happy... Right?

-

The one place that Dan absolutely loved about his university campus was the library. Bracken Library was one of a kind, with a beautiful brick exterior that had the actual architecture to make it look like stacked books. The inside had beautiful marble floors and a statue of a woman with a deer that looked vaguely like a forest princess. The bottom floor had a small coffee shop with the best muffins and the sweetest white chocolate mochas that melted on the tip of Dan's tongue.