Phan Oneshots

Private Fears in Public Places

Summary: Dan doesn't feel sexual attraction very often and that's okay.
Word Count: 2,258
Warnings: none
A/N: I wrote this fic because it's my best friend, Elizajane's, birthday! She's the person who helped me figure out my own asexuality and I just HAD to write this fic to show my appreciation! So happy birthday Elizajane! You are honestly the best person that I have ever met and I can't imagine what my life would be like without you. In only the short year that we've known each other, you've become my support and my rock, someone that I constantly seek approval from because your approval means the world to me. I don't even think I'm able to write a story without you giving me ideas anymore! Thank you for being my friend, for being my platonic soulmate, for being my waifu. We have a connection like no one else and I'm eternally grateful to have you around. I love you elizajane, thanks for being you :')  

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"Can I talk to you about something?" Dan asked as Phil parked the car and unbuckled his seatbelt. There had been something niggling in the back of his mind for the longest time, something that hadn't originally bothered him until now. He needed to get it off his chest, needed to share his worries with someone else, needed to give himself some peace of mind.

Phil was his best friend and boyfriend of four years. He listened to Dan whenever he had issues and he always made sure that Dan was comfortable enough to share anything with him, whatever it may be. Dan had no doubt in his mind that Phil would be understanding of the situation. So why were his cheeks on fire and his heart pounding painfully hard?

Phil paused, turned to look at him. He had a questioning look in his blue eyes and it made Dan fidget under the intensity. He turned away so he could calm his racing heart. "Of course you can," Phil promised, sitting back in his seat. "What's on your mind?"

Dan's tongue suddenly felt too big. He didn't know why he had thought this was a good idea in the first place. What kind of person came to their boyfriend about something like this? It was something embarrassing for him to admit, something he'd been trying to deal with for the past couple of years. As far as he knew, most people don't have experiences like this. "I..."

Suddenly he couldn't get it out. He couldn't admit it. He gulped - it felt as though he was trying to swallow a ball of cotton wool. So instead of answering, he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders. "Nevermind. Let's just go into the store." He put his hand on the door handle and pulled. The car door popped open and he went to get out, only to be stopped by a hand wrapped around his wrist, freezing him in place.

"Whatever it is, I won't judge you," Phil said quietly. "You know you can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to help as much as I possibly can."

The kind, soothing words were what made Dan sit back and close the door again, although he still kept his gaze off of his best friend. Once upon a time, he'd heard that it was easier to talk about things in the car, yet at the moment, it seemed like a big lie. Although maybe that's because it was supposed to be easier talking when the car was actually in motion.

Still though, Dan found himself blurting out his worries before he could stop himself, probably a mixture of the nerves or the excessive amount of coffee bursting through his veins. "I don't really enjoy sex," he admitted, keeping his eyes on his lap. His fingernails were pressing into the skin of his leg, forming little crescent moons on his skin. He soothed the marks over with his fingers, finding that it was easier to focus on that rather than Phil's reaction.

Phil was silent for a moment, thoughtful. Dan could tell that he wasn't judging him, but rather thinking of where to go from here. After a moment, he began to speak in a soft tone. "If you don't enjoy it, then why do you do it?" he asked, genuinely curious.

His tone of voice made Dan feel much more relaxed, like he could talk more freely and admit what was on his mind. He found himself relaxing into the seat, leaning his head against the headrest. "It's not... It's not like I don't enjoy it, I suppose. Like, it feels nice. But I just don't see the big deal, I guess? It's nice but I don't think I would go around actively seeking sex, you know?" He quickly found himself backtracking, his eyes wide as he realised how that sounded. He didn't want Phil to get the wrong impression because he truly did like having sex with Phil, but he just didn't know how he was feeling. "That's-! It's not like I don't enjoy having sex with you of course, because you're very good at sex! I just, ah, I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm sorry."